Quotes

 

I’ve been collecting quotes for decades now. These are my favorites (over 1500 of them). I hope you like them. I’ve taken the hundreds of unattributed, anonymous, quotes in this collection and Googled them to find their original authors. I was able to discover attributions for all but 87 (approx. 4%) of them.

I’ve arranged the quotes by length (short-and-sweet ones first, then longer ones) and then alphabetically. If you’re looking for a particular quote or author, just press Ctrl-F to perform a search. Enter a snippet of the quote or the author’s name and, if it’s on this page, you’ll see it (assuming you enter a valid search term).

Collecting and organizing these quotes has taken a lot of time and tender-loving-care and I’m sure you’ll appreciate their insight, humor and truth. If you find a quote here that you use elsewhere on the Internet, please cite or link to AtheistExile.com.

Without further ado, here is the world’s best collection of quotes for freethinkers.


 

Favorite Short Quotes


“A belief which leaves no place for doubt is not a belief; it is a superstition.” ~José Bergamín

“A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

“A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.” ~Victor Hugo

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” ~Emo Philips

“A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.” ~ Arthur McBride Bloch

“A cult is a religion with no political power.” ~Tom Wolfe

“A dogma will thrive in soil where the truth could not get root.” ~Lemuel K. Washburn

“A fool flatters himself, a wise man flatters the fool.” ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

“A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.” ~Nelson Mandela

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” ~Ruth Bell Graham

“A heretic is a man who sees with his own eyes.” ~Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

“A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.” ~Saki

“A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.” ~Bob Edwards

“A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.” ~Kevin Nealon

“A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.” ~Doug Larson

“A man can do as he will, but not will as he will” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

“A man has free choice to the extent that he is rational.” ~Thomas Aquinas

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

“A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.” ~H.L. Mencken

“A mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.” ~Yogi Berra

“A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.” ~Elbert Hubbard

“A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.” ~ Miguel de Cervantes

“A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.” ~Doug Larson

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” ~William Shedd.

“A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon.” ~Napoleon Bonaparte

“A technical objection is the first refuge of a scoundrel.” ~Heywood Broun

“Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.” ~Unknown

“Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” ~George Burns

“Action is the last refuge of those who cannot dream.” ~Oscar Wilde

“Affectation is a greater enemy to the face than smallpox.” ~English Proverb

“Affluence creates poverty.” ~Marshall McLuhan

“Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” ~Tom Stoppard

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~Mark Twain

“Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.” ~Groucho Marx

“Alimony: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.” ~H.L. Mencken

“All great truths begin as blasphemies.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“All movements go too far.” ~Bertrand Russell

“All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few.” ~Marie Henri Beyle

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” ~Casey Stengel

“All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie.” ~Bob Dylan

“All things are difficult before they are easy.” ~Thomas Fuller

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” ~Yogi Berra

“Always live up to your standards; by lowering them, if necessary.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“Always tell the truth. Even if you have to make it up.” ~Unknown

“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.” ~Adlai Stevenson

“Always tell the truth. If you can’t always tell the truth, don’t lie.” ~Unknown

“An argument which proves too much, proves nothing.” ~M.M. Mangasarian

“An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.” ~John Buchan

“An equal application of law to every condition of man is fundamental.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“An ignorant person is one who doesn’t know what you have just found out.” ~Will Rogers

“Any idiot can face a crisis: it’s day to day living that wears you out.” ~Anton Chekhov

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” ~Arthur C. Clarke

“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” ~Al Capp

“Anything you’re good at contributes to happiness.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Appeal to ignorance: Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.” ~Carl Sagan

“As long as people believe in absurdities they will continue to commit atrocities.” ~Voltaire

“As long as you have faith, you don’t need the truth.” ~Jim Ashby

“As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.” ~Josh Billings

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” ~Henry Winkler

“At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Atheism: A non-prophet organization.” ~George Carlin

“Avoiding offense means that we don’t accept each other as equals.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.” ~Samuel Johnson

“Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.” ~Mel Brooks

“Be always sure you’re right, then go ahead.” ~Davy Crockett

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~Dalai Lama

“Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” ~Oscar Wilde

“Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.” ~P. J. O’Rourke

“Before God we are all equally wise — and equally foolish.” ~Albert Einstein

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” ~Jim Carrey

“Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” ~Maryon Pearson

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” ~Groucho Marx

“Being an optimist after you’ve got everything you want doesn’t count.” ~Kin Hubbard

“Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.” ~Andre Gide

“Believing in gods always causes confusion.” ~Pearl S. Buck

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.” ~Mae West

“Beware of the fish people, they are the true enemy.” ~Frank Zappa

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” ~Oscar Wilde

“Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.” ~Bob Hope

“Blind faith is an ironic gift to return to the Creator of human intelligence.” ~Unknown

“Born again?! No, I’m not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.” ~Dennis Miller

“Brother, you can believe in stones, as long as you don’t throw them at me.” ~Wafa Sultan

“Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.” ~Phyllis Diller

“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.” ~George Carlin

“By the time I realized my father was right, I had a son telling me I was wrong.” ~Henry Winkler

“Calling Atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color.” ~Don Hirschberg

“Character is higher than intellect.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.” ~Aldous Huxley

“Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Christianity neither is, nor ever was, a part of the common law.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.” ~P. J. O’Rourke

“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” ~Robin Williams

“Cogito, ergo sum” (“I think, therefore I am”) ~René Descartes

“Coincidence is God’s way of remaining Unknown.” ~Albert Einstein

“Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.” ~Albert Einstein

“Communism is like prohibition, it’s a good idea but it won’t work.” ~Will Rogers

“Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

“Conscience warns us before it reproaches us.” ~Comtesse Diane

“Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” ~Oscar Wilde

“Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

“Customs will reconcile people to any atrocity.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Deep within the heart of every evangelist lies the wreck of a car salesman.” ~H L Mencken

“Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly.” ~Elbert Hubbard

“Do not do an immoral thing for moral reasons.” ~Thomas Hardy

“Does ‘anal-retentive’ have a hyphen?” ~Alison Bechdel

“Don’t criticize what you can’t understand.” ~Bob Dylan

“Don’t knock masturbation: it’s sex with someone I love.” ~Woody Allen

“Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.” ~African Proverb

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” ~George Carlin

“Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.” ~Wilson Mizner

“Don’t try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough.” ~Arthur Freed

“Don’t pray in my school and I won’t think in your church.” ~Unknown

“Doubt is not a pleasant state of mind, but certainty is absurd.” ~Voltaire

“Each time history repeats itself, the price goes up.” ~ Ronald Wright

“Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.” ~ Jason Hutchison

“Effective action is always unjust.” ~Maya Angelou

“Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.” ~Frank Leahy

“Even a loser can win when he’s up against a defeatist.” ~Mark Steyn

“Even if you’re on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” ~Will Rogers

“Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?” ~John Mendoza

“Every dogma has its day.” ~Abraham Rotstein

“Every sensible man, every honorable man, must hold the Christian sect in horror.” ~Voltaire

“Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.” ~Will Rogers

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” ~P. J. O’Rourke

“Everything is real. Even illusions are real: they’re real illusions.” ~Timothy Leary

“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” ~Albert Einstein

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.” ~Bill Maher

“Experience is a comb which nature gives us when we are bald.” ~Proverb

“Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.” ~Carl Sagan

“Extremists have NOT hijacked Islam. Islam has hijacked extremists.” ~Jim Ashby

“Extremists haven’t hijacked Islam – Islam has hijacked extremists.” ~Jim Ashby

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.” ~Aldous Huxley

“Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.” ~Voltaire

“Faith is the worst curse of mankind, as the exact antithesis and enemy of thought.” ~Ayn Rand

“Faith is upheld by the suspension of disbelief.” ~Jim Ashby

“Faith means not wanting to know what is true.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

“Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.” ~Keanu Reeves

“Fear has a large shadow, but he himself is small.” ~Ruth Gendler

“Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop.” ~Usman B. Asif

“Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself.” ~Samuel Butler

“Fear is the lengthened shadow of ignorance.” ~Arnold Glasow

“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.” ~Albert Einstein

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.” ~George Carlin

“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“Flattery is all right so long as you don’t inhale.” ~Adlai Stevenson

“Fools rush in where fools have been before.” ~Unknown

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” ~John F. Kennedy

“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.” ~ Anne Lamott

“Freedom is the oxygen of the soul.” ~Moshe Dayan

“From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own.” ~Syrus

“Funiculi, funicula, funic yourself.” ~Noel Coward

“’Get smart and I’ll fuck you over’, sayeth The Lord.” ~Frank Zappa

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” ~Mark Twain

“God has entrusted me with myself.” ~Epictetus

“God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.” ~Voltaire

“God is a meme you can’t ignore.” ~Jim Ashby

“God is only a great imaginative experience.” D H Lawrence

“Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.” ~Chapman Cohen

“Gods don’t kill people. People with gods kill people.” ~David Viaene

“Good Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions.” ~Jerry Falwell

“Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.” ~Yogi Berra

“Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.” ~Sam Levenson

“Happiness never lays its finger on its pulse.” ~Adam Smith

“Have no fear of perfection: you’ll never reach it.” ~Salvador Dali

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” ~Winston Churchill

“He is a true fugitive who flies from reason.” ~Marcus Aurelius

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“He who allows oppression shares the crime.” ~Erasmus Darwin

“He who fears to suffer, suffers from fear.” ~French Proverb

“Heresy is only another word for freedom of thought.” ~Graham Greene

“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it can rhyme.” ~Mark Twain

“History teaches us the mistakes we are going to make.” ~ Laurence J. Peter

“Hope deceives more men than cunning does.” ~Vauvenargues

“How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don’t think.” ~Adolf Hitler

“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.” ~Emo Philips

“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Humility is to make a right estimate of one’s self.” ~Charles Haddon Spurgeon

“Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.” ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Hypocrisy is an homage that vice renders to virtue.” ~François, Duc De La Rochefoucauld

“I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex.” ~Oscar Wilde

“I always play women I would date.” ~Angelina Jolie

“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” ~Woody Allen

“I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.” ~Edith Sitwell

“I am too much of a sceptic to deny the possibility of anything.” ~T H Huxley

“I believe in God, but I’m not too clear on the other details.” ~Bill Veeck

“I can levitate birds. No one cares.” ~Steven Wright

“I can’t believe that out of millions of sperm, you were the quickest.” ~Steven Pearl

“I cannot believe that God plays dice with the cosmos.” ~Albert Einstein

“I could eat alphabet soup and shit better lyrics.” ~Johnny Mercer

“I do benefits for all religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.” ~Bob Hope

“I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of.” ~Clarence S. Darrow

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” ~Arthur C. Clarke

“I don’t consider myself bald, I’m just taller than my hair.” ~Seneca

“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.” ~W.C. Fields

“I don’t mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.” ~Samuel Butler

“I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.” ~Emo Philips

“I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” ~Steven Wright

“I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I love the idea of spending the whole day in bed with my lover.” ~Jennifer Lopez

“I love the truth. I don’t practice it but I love it.” ~From the 1969 movie, Arthur! Arthur!

“I never even believed in divorce until after I got married.” ~Diane Ford

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” ~Groucho Marx

“I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.” ~Albert Einstein

“I often quote myself. I find it adds spice to the conversation.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.” ~Emo Philips

“I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.” ~Emo Philips

“I refuse to be labeled immoral merely because I am godless.” ~Peter Walker

“I spilled spot remover on my dog. He’s gone now.” ~Steven Wright

“I think God’s going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.” ~Steven Wright

“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” ~David Lee Roth

“I want to know God’s thoughts; the rest are details.” ~Albert Einstein

“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight.” ~Rita Rudner

“I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.” ~Emo Philips

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” ~Groucho Marx

“I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.” ~Emo Philips

“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.” ~Johnny Carson

“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.” ~Emo Philips

“I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.” ~Lily Tomlin

“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.” ~Bertrand Russell

“I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.” ~Tom Waits

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” ~Lucille Ball

“I’m a great lover, I’ll bet.” ~Emo Philips

“I’m intimidated by the fear of being average.” ~Taylor Swift

“I’m not just another bimbo.” ~Christina Aguilera

“I’m not religious, but I like God and he likes me.” ~Tony Kushner

“I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police.” ~Keith Richards

“I’ve upped my standards. Now, up yours.” ~Pat Paulsen

“If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.” ~Dan Quayle

“If Atheism is a religion, then health is a disease! ~Clark Adams

“If being a Christian means following Jesus, there are no true Christians: just selective ones.” ~Jim Ashby

“If death is the end of everything, then living is everything.” ~Robert D. Richardson

“If God doesn’t like the way I live, let him tell me, not you.” ~Wafa Sultan

“If God dropped acid, would he see people?” ~Steven Wright

“If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.” ~Woody Allen

“If God has created us in His image, we have more than returned the compliment.” ~Voltaire

“If God has spoken, why is the world not convinced?” ~Percy Shelley

“If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.” ~Joan Rivers

“If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.” ~Mel Brooks

“If God wanted you to think, he wouldn’t have given you religion!” ~Jim Ashby

“If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse; as a man shoots himself.” ~H.L. Mencken

“If I want your opinion, I’ll fart!” ~Jim Ashby

“If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it’s still a foolish thing.” ~Bertrand Russell

“If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people?” ~ Stephen Fry

“If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” ~Unknown

“If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.” ~Unknown

“If there is a God, he is a malign thug. ~Mark Twain

“If triangles had a God, He’d have three sides.” ~Old Yiddish Proverb

“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.” ~Johnny Carson

“If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.” ~Emma Goldman

“If we are all god’s children, then what’s so special about Jesus?” ~Jimmy Carr

“If we crave some cosmic purpose, then let us find ourselves a worthy goal.” ~Carl Sagan

“If we don’t go crazy once in a while, we’ll all go crazy.” ~Hawkeye Pierce

“If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research, would it?” ~Albert Einstein

“If we were made in god’s image, why aren’t we invisible?” ~South Dakota Humanist

“If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.” ~Lenny Bruce

“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” ~George Carlin

“If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?” ~John Wooden

“If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.” ~Bobcat Goldthwait

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.” ~Will Rogers

“If you found a man at the top of the mountain, he did not fall there.” ~Unknown

“If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“If you shut your door to all errors, truth will be shut out.” ~Rabindranath Tagore

“If you want to keep your memories, you first have to live them.” ~Bob Dylan

“If you want to save your child from polio, you can pray or you can inoculate.” ~Carl Sagan

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.” ~Dick Cavett

“Ignorance is the soil in which belief in miracles grows.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.” ~Voltaire

“Impiety, n.: Your irreverence toward my deity.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“In cyberspace, the First Amendment is a local ordinance.” ~John Perry Barlow

“In jealousy there is more self-love than love.” ~François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

“In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.” ~Kathy Norris

“In war, truth is the first casualty.” ~Aeschylus

“Indignation is a submission of our thoughts, but not of our desires.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.” ~George Carlin

“Instead of being born again, why not just grow up?” ~Unknown

“Intelligence is quickness in seeing things as they are.” ~George Santayana

“Intelligence is what you use when you don’t know what to do.” ~Jean Piaget

“Intelligence organizes the world by organizing itself.” ~Jean Piaget

“Islam is a rabid dogma.” ~Jim Ashby

“Islam is the best religion, with the worst followers.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Isn’t an agnostic just an atheist without balls?” ~Stephen Colbert

“It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.” ~W.C. Fields

“It is a heretic that makes the fire, not she which burns in it.” ~William Shakespeare

“It is a just political maxim, that every man must be supposed a knave.” ~David Hume

“It is always the secure who are humble.” ~Gilbert Keith Chesterton

“It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.” ~Voltaire

“It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.” ~Alfred Adler

“It is error only, and not truth, that shrinks from inquiry.” ~Thomas Paine

“It is fear that first brought gods into the world.” ~Petronius Arbiter, Satyricon

“It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.” ~William G. McAdoo

“It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood.” ~Karl Popper

“It is never too late to be who you might have been.” ~George Eliot

“It is no use mending the lid, if the pot be broken.” ~Japanese proverb

“It isn’t what you know that counts, it’s what you think of in time.” ~Benjamin Franklins

“It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.”

“It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight.” ~John Stevenson

“It will yet be the proud boast of women that they never contributed a line to the Bible.” ~George W. Foote

“It’s all right letting yourself go, as long as you can let yourself back.” ~Mick Jagger

“It’s innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn’t.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.” ~John Cassis

“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” ~Albert Einstein

“In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.” ~Imbesi’s Axiom

“Jealousy is an awkward homage which inferiority renders to merit.” ~Mme. de Puixieux

“Jim Bakker spells his name with 2 k’s because 3 would be too obvious.” ~Bill Maher

“Join the Army, see the world, meet interesting people: and kill them.” ~Pacifist Slogan

“Judge me all you want, just keep the verdict to yourself.” ~From a Winston advertisement

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.” ~George Carlin

“Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.” ~Woody Allen

“Knowledge is a relatively safe addiction; that is, until it becomes idolatry.” ~Unknown

“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.” ~Jimi Hendrix

“Liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.” ~Lenny Bruce

“Liberties are not given; they are taken.” ~Aldous Huxley

“Liberty: One of Imagination’s most precious possessions.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Life is a cement trampoline.” ~Howard Nordberg

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease and there is a 100% mortality rate.” ~R.D. Laing

“Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.” ~Horace Walpole

“Life is full of obstacle illusions.” ~Grant Frazier

“Life is more or less a lie, but then again, that’s exactly the way we want it to be.” ~Bob Dylan

“Life is simple, its just not easy.” ~Unknown

“Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.” ~Grandma Moses

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told:’I am with you kid. Let’s go.’“ ~Maya Angelou

“Lighthouses are more helpful then churches.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“Like all valuable commodities, truth is often counterfeited.” ~James Cardinal Gibbons

“Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth.” ~Ludwig Borne

“Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes just be an illusion.” ~Javan

“Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.” ~Voltaire

“Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.” ~William Shakespeare

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” ~Robert Frost

“Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.” ~Samuel Lichtenberg

“Love is grand; divorce a hundred grand.” ~ Shinichi Suzuki

“Love is like those second-rate hotels where all the luxury is in the lobby.” ~Paul-Jean Toulet

“Love is metaphysical gravity.” ~R. Buckminster Fuller

“Love is my religion: I could die for it.” ~John Keats

“Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.” ~Miguel de Unamuno

“Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.” ~Henry Louis Mencken

“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” ~Pablo Picasso

“Love is the silent saying and saying of a single name.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” ~H. L. Mencken

“Love makes time pass; time makes love pass.” ~French Proverb

“Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” ~Zora Neale Hurston

“Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Loving is never a waste of time.” ~Astrid Alauda

“Man can do what he wills, but he cannot will what he wills.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

“Man created God in his image : intolerant, sexist, homophobic and violent.” ~Marie

“Man is an intelligence in servitude to his organs.” ~Aldous Huxley

“Man is nature’s sole mistake.” ~W.S. Gilbert

“Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.” ~Mark Twain

“Man tends to treat all his opinions as principles.” ~Herbert Agar

“Man was predestined to have free will.” ~ Hal Lee Luyah

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.” ~Mae West

“Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.” ~Alan King

“Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.” ~Oscar Wilde

“Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.” ~Unknown

“Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.” ~Aldous Huxley

“Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.” ~Elbert Hubbard

“Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them.” ~Dion Boucicault

“Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.” ~Sophia Loren

“Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress.” ~Unknown

“Morality is the best of all devices for leading mankind by the nose.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

“More than kisses, letters mingle souls.” ~John Donne

“Most people would die sooner than think — in fact they do so.” ~Bertrand Russell

“My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.” ~Emo Philips

“My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.” ~Emo Philips

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

“Myths die when history is born.” ~M.M. Mangasarian

“Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.” ~Nick Diamos

“Never believe anything until it has been officially denied” ~Claud Cockburn

“Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another.” ~Juvenal

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” ~Phyllis Diller

“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what’s right.” ~Isaac Asimov

“Never memorize what you can look up in books.” ~Albert Einstein

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” ~Red Buttons

“Nice answer, wrong question.” ~H. Allen Orr

“No man is ever old enough to know better.” ~Holbrook Jackson

“No man is free who is not master of himself.” ~Epictetus

“No matter how cynical I get, I can’t keep up.” ~Lily Tomlin

“No matter what your past has been you have a spotless future.” ~Hugh B. Brown

“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

“No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.” ~Bertrand Russell

“No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky.” ~Bob Dylan

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

“Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.” ~Frank Zappa

“Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.” ~William Safire

“None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.” ~Benjamin Whichcote

“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.” ~Woody Allen

“Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion.” ~Democritus

“Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.” ~Albert Camus

“Okay, who put a “stop payment” on my reality check?” ~Unknown

“One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare” ~Mark Twain

“One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” ~Helen Rowland

“Only death can reward faith.” ~Jim Ashby

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” ~T.S. Eliot

“Opportunity is the cleverest devil.” ~ Christoph Martin Wieland

“Optimists are nostalgic about the future.” ~Chicago Tribune

“Our ignorance is God; what we know is science.” ~Robert Ingersoll

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~M. K. Casey

“Patience is also a form of action.” ~Auguste Rodin

“Patience is the companion of wisdom.” ~St. Augustine

“Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.” ~Samuel Johnson

“Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.” ~Albert Einstein

“People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.” ~Bob Dylan

“People who are sensible about love are incapable of it.” ~Douglas Yates

“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“People will pay more to be entertained than educated.” ~Johnny Carson

“Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language.” ~Ludwig Wittgenstein

“Plain women know more about men than beautiful women do.” ~Katharine Hepburn

“Plant and your spouse plants with you; weed and you weed alone.” ~Jean Jacques Rousseau

“Poetry is being, not doing.” ~E.E. Cummings

“Poetry is the music of the soul, and, above all, of great and feeling souls.” ~Voltaire

“Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings. ~William Wordsworth

“Politics is war without bloodshed, while war is politics with bloodshed.” ~Mao Zedong

“Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Politics, n: [Poly”many” + tics”blood-sucking parasites”]” ~Larry Hardiman

“Poverty is like punishment for a crime you didn’t commit.” ~Eli Khamarov

“Poverty is no disgrace to a man, but it is confoundedly inconvenient.” ~Sydney Smith

“Praying is asking an omniscient God to change his mind.” ~Unknown

“Preconceived notions are the locks on the door to wisdom.” ~Merry Browne

“Prejudice is the child of ignorance.” ~William Hazlitt

“Prejudices are the chains forged by ignorance to keep men apart.” ~Countess of Blessington

“Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.” ~Mark Twain

“Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.” ~Robert Schuller

“Problems cannot be solved by the level of awareness that created them.” ~Albert Einstein

“Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.” ~H.L. Mencken

“Racial superiority is a mere pigment of the imagination.” ~Unknown

“Reading without reflecting is like eating without digesting.” ~Edmund Burke

“Reality is bad enough. Why should I tell the truth?” ~Patrick Sky

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” ~Albert Einstein

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” ~Philip K. Dick

“Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.” ~John Lennon

“Reality needs a whole mind to grasp it.” ~Gordon Willis

“Reason: The arithmetic of the emotions.” ~Elbert Hubbard, The Roycroft Dictionary

“Religion comes begging to us, when it can no longer burn us.” ~Heinrich Heine

“Religion creates turmoil in the world because it creates turmoil in ourselves.” ~Jim Ashby

“Religion is a monumental chapter in the history of human egotism.” ~William James

“Religion is like chemotherapy, it may solve one problem, but it can cause a million more.” ~John Bledsoe

“Religion is the idol of the mob; it adores everything it does not understand.” ~Frederick II

“Religion is the metaphysics of the masses.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

“Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.” ~Napoleon Bonaparte

“Religion provides the solace for the turmoil that it creates.” ~Byron Danelius

“Religion seems to have a way of making people abandon logic.” ~Amanda Baxter

“Religion. It’s given hope in a world torn apart by religion.” ~John Stewart

“Religious fundamentalists are a piston shy of a slide whistle.” ~Jim Ashby

“Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.” ~Woody Allen

“Respect for the truth is an acquired taste.” ~Mark Van Doren

“Science does not know its debt to imagination.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings.” ~Jeff L. Lyons

“Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.” ~Jean Rostand

“Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge.” ~Carl Sagan

“Science is the great antidote to the poison of enthusiasm and superstition.” ~Adam Smith

“Science is what you know, philosophy is what you don’t know.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Science never solves a problem without creating ten more.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” ~Albert Einstein

“Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.” ~Oscar Wilde

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” ~George Burns

“Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.” ~Woody Allen

“Sex relieves tension: love causes it.” ~Woody Allen

“She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.” ~Tommy Manville

“Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.” ~Tobias Smollett

“Some people get lost in thought because it’s such unfamiliar territory.” ~G. Behn

“Some people suffer in silence louder than others.” ~Morrie Brickman

“Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.” ~Slovenian Proverb

“Stupidity has a knack of getting its way.” ~Albert Camus

“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me. I quit.’“ ~Bill Maher

“Suicide is the sincerest form of criticism life gets.” ~Wilfred Sheed

“TV is chewing gum for the eyes.” ~Frank Lloyd Wright

“Take away love and our earth is a tomb.” ~Robert Browning

“Tax the FUCK out of the churches!” ~Frank Zappa

“The Americans love Pepsi-Cola, we love death.” ~Maulana Inyadullah

“The Atheist Bible, it could be said, has but one word: ‘THINK’.” ~Emmett Fields

“The Bible is a catalog of cruelty and of what’s worst in human nature.” ~Jose Saramago

“The Bible is literature, not dogma.” ~George Santayana

“The Christian Right is neither.” ~Unknown

“The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.” ~Somerset Maugham

“The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.” ~Unknown

“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” ~H.V. Prochnow

“The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.” ~Unknown

“The chicken came first: God would look silly sitting on an egg.” ~Unknown

“The constant assertion of belief is an indication of fear.” ~Jiddu Krishnamurti

“The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.” ~A. P. Herbert

“The customs of your tribe are not laws of nature.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“The death of dogma is the birth of reality.” ~Immanuel Kant

“The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.” ~Bruce Feirstein

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” ~Willie Nelson

“The faith that stands on authority is not faith.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The first clergyman was the first rascal who met the first fool” – Voltaire

“The fool only becomes wise when he realises he is a fool.” ~Unknown

“The future has already arrived. It’s just not evenly distributed yet” ~William Gibson

“The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.” ~Socrates

“The imbecility of men is always inviting the impudence of power.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The injury we do and the one we suffer are not weighed in the same scales.” ~Aesop

“’The inspiration of the bible depends on the ignorance of the person who reads it.’“ ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.” ~Delos B. McKown

“The jealous bring down the curse they fear upon their own heads.” ~Dorothy Dix

“The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid.” ~Unknown

“The last Christian died on the cross.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

“The less you know, the more you believe.” ~Bono

“The love game is never called off on account of darkness.” ~Tom Masson

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” ~Henry David Thoreau, Walden

“The means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“The moral arc of the universe bends at the elbow of justice.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“The most powerful force in the universe is compound interest.” ~Albert Einstein

“The most violent element in society is ignorance.” ~Emma Goldman

“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” ~John Powell

“The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The only truly Unknown donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.” ~Lenny Bruce

“The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.” ~Yogi Berra

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” ~Henry David Thoreau

“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.” ~Henry Cate VII

“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.” ~Henry Cate, VII

“The problem with the gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.” ~David Gerrold

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” ~Robert Byrne

“The quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life.” ~A.R. Bernard

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” ~Ayn Rand

“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ~George Carlin

“The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The robber of your free will does not exist.” ~Epictetus

“The sailor does not pray for wind, he learns to sail.” ~Gustaf Lindborg

“The search for truth is more precious than its possession.” ~Albert Einstein

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” ~Henny Youngman

“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” ~Albert Einstein

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The total history of almost anyone would shock almost everyone.” ~Mignon McLaughlin,

“The toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.” ~Emo Philips

“The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.” ~Willem de Kooning

“The trouble with theocracy is that everyone wants to be Theo.” ~James Dunn

“The truth should be independent of whoever says it.” ~Tawfik Hamid

“The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth.” ~Agnes Repplier

“There are no secrets better kept than the secrets everybody guesses.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“There are ten church members by inheritance for every one by conviction.” ~Unknown

“There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.” ~Laurence J. Peter

“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” ~Steven Wright

“There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher.” ~Victor Hugo

“There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide.” ~Albert Camus

“There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.” ~Bertrand Russell

“There is no God higher than truth” ~Mahatma Gandhi

“There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.” ~Mark Twain

“There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept.” ~Ansel Adams

“There is something curiously boring about somebody else’s happiness.” ~Aldous Huxley

“There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family.” ~Jerry Seinfeld

“They expect to go to Heaven on their knees.” ~M.M. Mangasarian

“Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself.” ~Josiah Royce

“Thinking men cannot be ruled.” ~Ayn Rand

“This would be a great world to dance in if we didn’t have to pay the fiddler.” ~Will Rogers

“Those who promise us paradise on earth never produced anything but a hell.” ~Karl Popper

“Time is the longest distance between two places.” ~Tennessee Williams

“Time makes heroes but dissolves celebrities.” ~Daniel J. Boorstin

“Time wounds all heels.” ~Groucho Marx

“To a man with an empty stomach food is God.” ~Gandhi

“To all things clergic, I am allergic” ~Alexander Woolcott

“To be ignorant of one’s ignorance is the malady of ignorance.” ~A. Bronson Alcott

“To buy happiness is to sell soul.” ~Douglas Horton

“To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ~Bertrand Russell

“To have great poets there must be great audiences too.” ~Walt Whitman

“To know oneself, one should assert oneself.” ~Albert Camus

“To live outside the law you must be honest.” ~Bob Dylan

“To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.” ~Will Durant

“Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.” ~Steven Wright

“Tolerance of intolerance is cowardice.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“True friends stab you in the front.” ~Oscar Wilde

“Truth fears no questions.” ~Unknown

“Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it.” ~Mark Twain

“Truth is what stands the test of experience.” ~Albert Einstein

“Unbeing dead isn’t being alive.” ~e.e. cummings

“Understanding religion is incompatible with believing in it.” ~Kai Nielsen

“Useless laws weaken necessary laws.” ~ Baron de Montesquieu

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” ~Isaac Asimov

“Virtue consists, not in abstaining from vice, but in not desiring it.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Virtue is its own punishment.” ~Aneurin Bevan

“War does not decide who is right but who is left.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“War does not determine who is right: only who is left.” ~Bertrand Russell

“War is the unfolding of miscalculations.” ~Barbara Tuchman

“War would end if the dead could return.” ~Stanley Baldwin

“We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever: the goal is to create something that will.” ~Unknown

“We are betrayed by what is false within.” ~George Meredith

“We are not accountable for the sins of Adam.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.” ~Edward R. Murrow

“We feel that our self is located where the eyes are.” ~Dr Henrik Ehrsson

“We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?” ~Unknown

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.” ~Bill Maher

“We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It’s called love.” ~Gene Perret

“We should not only use the brains we have, but all that we can borrow.” ~Woodrow Wilson

“We turn toward God only to obtain the impossible.” ~Albert Camus

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” ~Albert Einstein

“Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.” ~Emo Philips

“What can be asserted without proof can be dismissed without proof.” ~Christopher Hitchens

“What has been Christianity’s fruits? Superstition, Bigotry and Persecution.” ~James Madison

“What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind.” ~T. H. Key

“What luck for rulers, that men do not think.” ~Adolf Hitler

“What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“What worries you, masters you.” ~John Locke

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“When I was a kid I had two friends. They were imaginary and would only play with each other.” ~Rita Rudner

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

“When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“When opinions are free, truth will finally and powerfully prevail.” ~Thomas Paine

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou

“When truth is divided, errors multiply.” ~Eli Siegel, Damned Welcome

“When women go wrong, men go right after them.” ~Mae West

“When you believe in things that you don’t understand, then you suffer.” ~Stevie Wonder

“When you throw dirt, you lose ground.” ~Texan Proverb

“Whenever anyone says, ‘theoretically,’ they really mean, ‘not really.’“ ~Dave Parnas

“Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.” ~Harry S Truman

“Where knowledge ends, religion begins.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t: you are right.” ~Henry Ford

“Which is it, is man one of God’s blunders or is God one of man’s?” ~Nietzsche

“Whoever wants to be a Christian should tear the eyes out of his reason.” ~Martin Luther

“Will and intellect are one and the same thing.” ~Baruch Spinoza

“Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.” ~David Star Jordan

“With people of limited ability modesty is merely honesty.” ~ Schopenhauer

“With soap, baptism is a good thing.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“Women should be obscene and not heard.” ~Groucho Marx

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. ~Timothy Leary

“You can be sincere and still be stupid.” ~Charles F. Kettering

“You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.” ~ Robert Louis Stephenson

“You can have your own truth but you can’t have your own facts.” ~J. Russ

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” ~Henny Youngman

“You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.” ~P.J. O’Rourke

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” ~Steven Wright

“You can’t say A is made of B or vice versa. All mass is interaction.” ~Richard Feynman

“You don’t have to go looking for love when it’s where you come from.” ~Werner Erhard

“You may fetter my leg, but Zeus himself cannot get the better of my free will.” ~Epictetus

“You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” ~Wayne Gretzky

“You will never feel better about yourself by making others look worse.” ~Deepak Chopra

“You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.” ~Yogi Berra

“Your failures won’t hurt you until you start blaming them on others.” ~Unknown

“Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.” ~Frank Tyger

“You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.” ~Yogi Berra

“Your ignorance cramps my conversation.” ~Anthony Hope

“Your theory is crazy, but it’s not crazy enough to be true.” ~Niels Bohr

“You’ll never find a dead Christian in a foxhole who didn’t pray.” ~Unknown

“A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.” ~Carl Sagan

“A common man marvels at uncommon things; a wise man marvels at the commonplace.” ~Confucius

“A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.” ~Ayn Rand

“A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.” ~Winston Churchill

“A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.” ~John D. Rockefeller

“A girl phoned me the other day and said ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

“A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” ~Mark Twain

“A man always has two reasons for what he does: a good one, and the real one.” ~J. P. Morgan

“A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.” ~Herb Caen

“A man either lives life as it happens to him, meets it head-on and licks it, or he turns his back on it and starts to wither away.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.” ~Mark Twain

“A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.” ~Chauncey Mitchell Depew

“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.” ~Harry Truman

“Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.” ~Chapman Cohen

“A poet’s work is to name the unnamable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world, and stop it from going to sleep.” ~Salman Rushdie

“A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the next generation.” ~James Freeman Clarke

“A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.” ~Dennis Miller

“A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says is never accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something that he can understand.” ~Bertrand Russell

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” ~Lana Turner

“A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of everything else.” ~Bette Davis

“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” ~Jerry Seinfeld

“A visitor from Mars could easily pick out the civilized nations. They have the best implements of war.” ~Herbert V. Prochnow

“AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.” ~Jerry Falwell

“AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharoah’s chariotters.” ~Jerry Falwell

“Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.” ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

“After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her. And a woman can see right through a man without looking at him.” ~Helen Rowland

“After momma gave birth to twelve of us kids, we put her up on a pedestal. It was mostly to keep Daddy away from her.” ~Dolly Parton

“After you’ve heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident, you begin to worry about history.” ~Unknown

“Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

“All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God.” ~Voltaire

“All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.” ~Voltaire

“All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.” ~Jane Wagner

“All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.” ~Cathy Ladman

“All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.” ~Pat Paulsen

“All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband some day.” ~Franklin P. Jones

“All women’s issues are to some degree men’s issues and all men’s issues are to some degree women’s issues because when either sex wins unilaterally both sexes lose.” ~Warren Farrell

“America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.” ~Evan Esar

“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” ~Niels Bohr

“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” ~Bill Vaughan

“And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be a true system.” ~Thomas Paine

“Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.” ~Johnny Carson

“Art is merely the refuge which the ingenious have invented, when they were supplied with food and women, to escape the tediousness of life.” ~W. Somerset Maugham

“As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.” ~Albert Einstein

“As for the afterlife, I have no idea where I’m going, but here’s the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?” ~Art Buchwald

“As man’s prayers are a disease of the will, so are their creeds a disease of the intellect.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“As our circle of knowledge expands, so does the circumference of darkness surrounding it.” ~Albert Einstein

“As soon as definite knowledge concerning any subject becomes possible, this subject ceases to be called philosophy, and becomes a separate science.” ~Bertrand Russell

“As the most participatory form of mass speech yet developed, the Internet deserves the highest protection from government intrusion.” ~Stewart Dalzell

“As your area of knowledge grows, so does the perimeter of your ignorance.” ~Neil deGrasse Tyson

“Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.” ~Pat Paulsen

“Atheism is not a philosophy; it is not even a view of the world; it is simply an admission of the obvious.” ~Sam Harris

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.” ~H. L. Mencken

“Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.” ~Woody Allen

“Basically you have to suppress your own ambitions in order to be who you need to be.” ~Bob Dylan

“Be nice to people on your way up because you’ll need them on your way down.” ~W. Migner

“Be thankful that you have a life, and forsake your vain and presumptuous desire for a second one.” ~Richard Dawkins

“Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times.” ~Rita Rudner

“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” ~Marilyn Monroe

“Before we work on artificial intelligence why don’t we do something about natural stupidity?” ~Steve Polyak

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile way and you have their shoes.” ~Jack Handey

“Believe nothing, no matter who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.” ~Buddha

“Believers can have both religion and science as long as there is no attempt to make A non-A, to make reality unreal, to turn naturalism into supernaturalism.”~Michael Shermer

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“Beware of the pursuit of the Superhuman: it leads to an indiscriminate contempt for the Human.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Black holes would seem to suggest that God not only plays dice, but also sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.” ~Stephen Hawking

“Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did.” ~Bette Davis

“Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.” ~Jay Leno

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?” ~Mark Twain

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” ~Robert Frost

“Castles in the air: they are so easy to take refuge in. And so easy to build, too.” ~Henrik Ibsen

“Celibacy, far from being a virtue, offends against our basic nature and is the greatest perversion.” ~Unknown

“Character is the basis of happiness and happiness the sanction of character.” ~George Santayana

“Chase after truth like hell and you’ll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat-tails.” ~Clarence Darrow

“Children are naïve: they trust everyone. School is bad enough, but, if you put a child anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you’re asking for trouble.” ~Frank Zappa

“Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?” ~Jules Feiffer

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” ~Phyllis Diller

“Common sense, however it tries, cannot avoid being surprised from time to time.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Computers are incredibly fast, accurate and stupid. Human beings are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant. Together they are powerful beyond imagination.” ~Albert Einstein

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.” ~Jacob M. Braude

“Consistency is the enemy of enterprise, just as symmetry is the enemy of art.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Contempt for happiness is usually contempt for other people’s happiness, and is an elegant disguise for hatred of the human race.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Conventional people are roused to fury by departure from convention, largely because they regard such departure as a criticism of themselves.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Creationists make it sound like a”theory” is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.” ~Isaac Asimov

“Curiosity is the best measure, that I have been able to consistently associate with the degree of intelligence a person may possess.” ~Unknown

“Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.” ~George Carlin

“Definitions are the guardians of rationality, the first line of defense against the chaos of mental disintegration.” ~Ayn Rand

“Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.” ~Laurence J. Peter

“Democracy is a system ensuring that the people are governed no better than they deserve.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.” ~Sir Winston Churchill

“Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.” ~Clement Atlee

“Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.” ~Johnny Carson

“Desire creates havoc when it is the only thing between two people, or when it is what’s missing.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.” ~Albert Szent-Györgyi

“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.” ~Henny Youngman

“Don’t carry a grudge; while you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing” ~Buddy Hackett

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” ~Mark Twain

“Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.” ~Dr. James C. Dobson

“Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.” ~Mark Twain

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” ~Albert Einstein

Eskimo: “If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?”
Priest: “No, not if you did not know.”
Eskimo: “Then why did you tell me?” ~Annie Dillard

“Ethical axioms are found and tested not very differently from the axioms of science. Truth is what stands the test of experience.” ~Albert Einstein

“Ethics is in origin the art of recommending to others the sacrifices required for cooperation with oneself.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Ever since I started to get recognition I’ve picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them.” ~Jim Carrey

“Every time I’ve done something that doesn’t feel right, it’s ended up not being right.” ~Mario Cuomo

“Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.” ~Paris Hilton

“Everyone complains of his memory, but no one complains of his judgment.” ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.” ~Albert Einstein

“Everything that we see is a shadow cast by that which we do not see.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Evolution is a really fantastic idea, even more than the idea of God I think.” ~Randy Newman

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.” ~Dennis Wholey

“Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him.” ~Aldous Huxley

“Faith is a cop-out. It is intellectual bankruptcy. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can’t be taken on its own merits.” ~Dan Barker

“Faith is putting all your eggs in God’s basket, then counting your blessings before they hatch.” ~Ramona C. Carroll

“Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence.” ~Richard Dawkins

“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.” ~George Santayana

“Fanaticism in religion is the alliance of the passions she condemns with the dogmas she professes.” ~Lord Acton

“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.” ~Doug Larson

“Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth or the only truth.” ~Charles A. Dana

“First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.” ~George Burns

“For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.” ~Johnny Carson

“For me, religion is serious business: a farrago of authoritarian nonsense, misogyny and humble pie, the eternal enemy of human happiness and freedom.” ~Katha Pollitt

“For much of human history, religion may have been a necessary evil, but why was it more evil than necessary?” ~Arthur C. Clarke

“Freedom is that instant between when someone tells you to do something and when you decide how to respond.” ~Jeffrey Borenstein

“Freethought is respectable. Freethought is crucial. Freethought needs to be publicized.” ~Dan Barker

“Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous.” ~David Hume

“George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.” ~ Hubert Humphrey

“Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. (Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.)” ~Mark Twain

“Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.” ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.” ~Minnie Pearl

“God for you is where you sweep away all the mysteries of the world, all the challenges to our intelligence. You simply turn your mind off and say God did it.” ~Carl Sagan

“God has always resembled his creators. He hated and loved what they hated and loved and he was invariably found on the side of those in power.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“God is universal; confined to no spot, defined by no dogma, appropriated by no sect.” ~Mary Baker Eddy

“God, immortality, duty: how inconceivable the first, how unbelievable the second, how peremptory and absolute the third.” ~George Eliot

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.” ~ G.K. Chesterton

“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” ~J. Paul Getty

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” ~Will Rogers

“Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. ~Frederic Bastiat

“Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.” ~Jerry Falwell

“Half of our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” ~Will Rogers

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” ~George Burns

“Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.” ~Johnny Carson

“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” ~Sam Ewing

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” ~Woody Allen

“He didn’t have to die for our sins because he didn’t have to make us sinful in the first place.” ~Misty Martin

“He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began.” ~Leo Tolstoy

“He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.” ~Torvald Gahlin

“He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.” ~Albert Einstein

“He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave.” ~William Drummond

“Heathen, n. A benighten creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled.” ~Michael Crichton

“History teaches us that no other cause has brought more death than the word of god.” ~Giulian Buzila

“Honesty pays, but it don’t seem to pay enough to suit some people.” ~Frank McKinney”Kin” Hubbard

“We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.” ~Jonathan Swift

“We have no choice but to be guilty. God is unthinkable if we are innocent. ~ Archibald MacLeish

“How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust: we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” ~Albert Einstein

“Human freedom is not an illusion; it is an objective phenomenon, distinct from all other biological conditions and found in only one species, us.” ~Daniel Dennett

“Humans are pattern-seeking story-telling animals, and we are quite adept at telling stories about patterns, whether they exist or not.” ~Michael Shermer

“I am a deeply religious nonbeliever: this is a somewhat new kind of religion.” ~Albert Einstein

“I am an atheist because there is no evidence for the existence of God. That should be all that needs to be said about it: no evidence, no belief.” ~Dan Barker

“I am as firmly convinced that religions do harm as I am that they are untrue.” ~Bertrand Russell

“I am treated as evil by people who claim that they are being oppressed because they are not allowed to force me to practice what they do.” ~D. Dale Gulledge

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that”I do” is the longest sentence?” ~George Carlin

“I believe in God; I just don’t trust anyone who works for him.” ~Unknown

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.” ~Lewis Grizzard

“I care not much for a man’s religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“I do not agree with Plato, but if anything could make me do so, it would be Aristotle’s arguments against him.” ~Bertrand Russell

“I do not fear death, in view of the fact that I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” ~Mark Twain

“I do not know how to teach philosophy without becoming a disturber of established religion.” ~Baruch Spinoza

“I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” ~Albert Einstein

“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’.” ~Bob Newhart

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” ~Woody Allen

“I don’t want to live in a world where a chicken can’t cross the road without her motivations being challenged.” ~Unknown

“I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.” ~Joseph Baretti

“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” ~George Carlin

“I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I have ever met.” ~Dwight Lyman Moody

“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” ~Lyndon B. Johnson

“I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God.” ~Thomas Edison

“I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can’t be any worse.” ~Mark Twain

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” ~Elayne Boosler

“I judge a religion as being good or bad based on whether its adherents become better people as a result of practicing it.” ~Joe Mullally

“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.” ~Johnny Carson

“I know it will give great offense to the clergy, but the advocate of religious freedom is to expect neither peace nor forgiveness from them.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” ~Mohandas K. Gandhi

“I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.” ~Emo Philips

“I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.” ~Maya Angelou

“I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” ~Max Kauffman

“I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.” ~Steven Wright

“I prayed for freedom for twenty years, but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.” ~Frederick Douglass

“I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.” ~Steven Wright

“I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God,”for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.” ~Douglas Adams

“I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and I was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.” ~Steve Martin

“I say quite deliberately that the Christian religion, as organized in its churches, has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world.” ~Bertrand Russell

“I say quite deliberately that the Christian religion, has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world.” ~Bertrand Russell

“I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence.” ~Doug McLeod

“I think it’s about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we’ve been voting for boobs long enough.” ~Clarie Sargent

“I think that only daring speculation can lead us further and not accumulation of facts.” ~Albert Einstein

“I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.” ~Woody Allen

“I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.” ~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

“I was born a heretic. I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows.” ~Susan B. Anthony

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me: they’re cramming for their final exam.” ~George Carlin

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.” ~George Carlin

“I would remind you that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice! And let me remind you also that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.” ~Barry Goldwater

“I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

“I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don’t know if I’m coming or going.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

“If God had been a Liberal there wouldn’t have been Ten Commandments, there would have been Ten Suggestions.” ~Malcolm Bradbury

“If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.” ~Lenny Bruce

“If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they still wouldn’t reach a conclusion.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“If an apple was magnified to the size of the Earth, then the atoms in the apple would be approximately the size of the original apple.” ~Richard Feynman

“If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?” ~George Carlin

“If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.” ~Woody Allen

“If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.” ~Johnny Carson

“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” ~Johnny Carson

“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly with trees.” ~Lao Tse

“If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.” ~Albert Einstein

“If the Bible is mistaken in telling us where we came from, how can we trust it to tell us where we’re going?” ~Justin Brown

“If the Prodigal Son’s a parable, and if Adam and Eve are metaphors, then maybe God is just figure of speech.” ~Dan Barker

“If two things don’t fit, but you believe both of them, thinking that somewhere, hidden, there must be a third thing that connects them, that’s credulity.” ~Umberto Eco

“If we were not afraid of death, I do not believe that the idea of immortality would ever have arisen.” ~Bertrand Russell

“If we wish to make a new world we have the material ready. The first one, too, was made out of chaos.” ~Robert Quillen

“If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.” ~Robin Williams

“If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people.” ~Hugh Laurie, House M.D.

“If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.” ~Alan Simpson

“If you have two religions in your land, the two will cut each other’s throats; but if you have thirty religions, they will dwell in peace.” ~Voltaire

“If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you’d have a hell of a lot of overlapping.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it people will eventually come to believe it.” ~Joseph Goebbels

“If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time.” ~Louise Sammons

“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.” ~Abigail Van Buren

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” ~Dalai Lama

“If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.” ~Alan King

“If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?” ~Stephen Levine

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” ~John Quincy Adams

“If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?” ~Unknown

“Ignorant men raise questions that wise men answered a thousand years ago.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“In a democracy its your vote that counts.; In feudalism its your Count that votes.” ~Mogens Jallberg

“In a man whose reasoning powers are good, fallacious arguments are evidence of bias.” ~Bertrand Russell

“In all science, error precedes the truth, and it is better it should go first than last.” ~Hugh Walpole

“In bed, it’s 6:00. You close your eyes for 5 minutes: it’s 7:45. At school, it’s 1:30. You close your eyes for 5 minutes: it’s 1:31.” ~Unknown

“In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.” ~Mark Twain

“In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a custom which is still continued.” ~Helen Rowland

“In religion and politics, people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination.” ~Mark Twain

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“In the long run nothing can withstand reason and experience, and the contradiction which religion offers to both is all too palpable.” ~Sigmund Freud

“In the world of spirituality intensity of belief is considered evidence of truth.” ~Wendy Kaminer

“In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.” ~Yogi Berra

“Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don’t work, those that break down and those that get lost.” ~Russell Baker

“Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Innovation is not the product of logical thought, even though the final product is tied to a logical structure.” ~Albert Einstein

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” ~Albert Einstein

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” ~Lewis Grizzard

“Intolerance is the natural concomitant of strong faith; tolerance grows only when faith loses certainty; certainty is murderous.” ~Will Durant

“Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?” ~Douglas Adams

“It can be reasonably asserted that the Abrahamic religions have been THE most persistently divisive influence in the history of mankind.” ~Jim Ashby

“It destroys one’s nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

“It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.” ~Albert Einstein

“It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.” ~Jerome K. Jerome

“It is better to stir up a question without deciding it, than to decide it without stirring it up.” ~Joseph Joubert

“It is difficult to imagine a set of beliefs more suggestive of mental illness than those that lie at the heart of many of our religious traditions.” ~Sam Harris

“It is easier to find a score of men wise enough to discover the truth than to find one intrepid enough, in the face of opposition, to stand up for it.” ~A.A. Hodge

“It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” ~Carl Sagan

“It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.” ~Judith Martin

“It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.” ~Henry Louis Mencken

“It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“It is in the uncompromisingness with which dogma is held, and not in the dogma or want of dogma, that the danger lies.” ~Samuel Butler

“It is no more immoral to directly rob citizens than to slip indirect taxes into the price of goods that they cannot do without.” ~Albert Camus

“It is not acceptable to have a religion where the alternative to faith is punishment – that’s how you train dogs, not develop people.” ~Deng Ming-Dao

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” ~Agnes Repplier

“It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.” ~H. L. Mencken

“It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.” ~Voltaire

“It is possible that mankind is on the threshold of a golden age; but, if so, it will be necessary first to slay the dragon that guards the door, and this dragon is religion.” ~Bertrand Russell

“It is the absolutism of theism, its pernicious influence upon humanity, its paralyzing effect upon thought and action, which Atheism is fighting with all its power.” ~Emma Goldman

“It is the duty of every citizen according to his best capacities to give validity to his convictions in political affairs.” ~Albert Einstein

“It is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatever for supposing it true.” ~Bertrand Russell

“It is wrong, always, everywhere, and for anyone, to believe anything upon insufficient evidence” ~William K. Clifford

“It isn’t all over; everything has not been invented; the human adventure is just beginning.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“It isn’t tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it’s separating himself from all the others.” ~Helen Rowland

“It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him.” ~Arthur C. Clarke

“It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.” ~Robert Frost

“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.” ~Unknown

“It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.” ~Unknown

“It’s impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” ~Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

“Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.” ~Unknown

“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn’t mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.” ~Edward R. Murrow

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” ~George Carlin

“Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.” ~Bill Gates

“Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.” ~Albert Einstein

“Learn all you can from the mistakes of others. You won’t have time to make them all yourself.” ~Alfred Sheinwold

“Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only.” ~Samuel Butler Erewhon

“Liberals are afraid that some deserving person won’t get their fair share. Conservatives are afraid some undeserving person will! ~Garrison Keilor

“Liberty is the right to do what I like; license, the right to do what you like.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do.” ~Bruce Crampton

“Life is but a momentary glimpse of the wonder of this astonishing universe, and it is sad to see so many dreaming it away on spiritual fantasy.” ~Carl Sagan

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.” ~Jawaharlal Nehru

“Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too much imagination.” ~Christopher Isherwood

“Light travels faster than sound. That’s why most people seem bright until you hear them speak.” ~Unknown

“Like good wine, marriage gets better with age; once you learn to keep a cork in it.” ~Gene Perret

“Love and business and family and religion and art and patriotism are nothing but shadows of words when a man’s starving.” ~O. Henry

“Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” ~W. Somerset Maugham

“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” ~Woody Allen

“Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ~Robert Heinlein

“Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex.” ~Dan Greenburg

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” ~James A. Baldwin

“Lust fades, so you’d better be with someone who can stand you.” ~Alan Zweibel and Jessie Nelson, The Story of Us

“Make no mistake about why these babies are here: they are here to replace us.” ~Jerry Seinfeld

“Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.” ~P. J. O’Rourke

“Man is a being with free will; therefore, each man is potentially good or evil, and it’s up to him and only him (through his reasoning mind) to decide which he wants to be.” ~Ayn Rand

“Mankind is not likely to salvage civilization unless he can evolve a system of ‘good and evil’ independent of ‘heaven and hell’.” ~George Orwell

“Mankind is not likely to salvage civilization unless he can evolve a system of good and evil independent of heaven and hell.” ~George Orwell

“Marriage ceremony: an incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.” ~O.C. Ogilvie

“Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.” ~Irwin Corey

“Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” ~Evelyn Hendrickson

“Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.” ~Sydney Smith

“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.” ~Johnny Carson

“Martyrdom, sir, is what these people like: it is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Men fight for freedom, then they begin to accumulate laws to take it away from themselves.” ~Unknown

“Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.” ~H. L. Mencken

“Men have ascribed to God imperfections that they would deplore in themselves.” ~W. Somerset Maugham

“Men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions.” ~Blaise Pascal

“Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.” ~Winston Churchill

“Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a God superior to themselves. Most Gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.” ~Robert A. Heinlein

“Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it.” ~C.C. Colton

“Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.” ~Harold Coffin

“Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” ~Susan Ertz

“Ministers say that they teach charity. That is natural. They live on hand-outs. All beggars teach that others should give.” ~Robert Ingersoll

“Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom.” ~Phyllis Theroux, Night Lights

“Modern science has been a voyage into the unknown, with a lesson in humility waiting at every stop. Many passengers would rather have stayed home.” ~Carl Sagan

“Modesty: The art of encouraging people to find out for themselves how wonderful you are.” ~Source Unknown

“Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you’re told. Religion is doing what you’re told, no matter what is right.” ~Unknown

“Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.” ~Oscar Wilde

“More and more people care about religious tolerance as fewer and fewer care about religion.” ~Alexander Chase

“Most institutions demand unqualified faith; but the institution of science makes skepticism a virtue.” ~Robert K. Merton

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” ~George Carlin

“Most propaganda is not designed to fool the critical thinker but only to give moral cowards an excuse not to think at all.” ~Michael Rivero

“Muslims must believe that all power, success and victory comes from God alone.” ~Abu Bakar Bashir

“My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image, to be servants of their human interests.” ~George Santayana

“My deep religiosity found an abrupt ending at the age of twelve, through the reading of popular scientific books.” ~Albert Einstein

“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.” ~Adlai Stevenson

“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.” ~Rita Rudner

“My mind contains many good ideas, but it’s not always easy to squeeze one out.” ~Ashleigh Brilliant

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” ~Buddy Hackett

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” ~Jimmy Durante

“My wife tells me she doesn’t care what I do when I’m away, as long as I’m not enjoying it.” ~Lee Trevino

“Naive realism leads to physics, and physics, if true, shows naive realism to be false. Therefore naive realism, if true, is false; therefore it is false.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.” ~Jean Rostand

“Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you’ll meet that night.” ~Paul Hornung

“Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime.” ~Ernest Hemingway

“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.” ~Johnny Carson

“Nip the shoots of arbitrary power in the bud, is the only maxim which can ever preserve the liberties of any people.” ~John Quincy Adams

“No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong.” ~Albert Einstein

“No atheist has ever made God look as small, petty or puerile as the Churches who claim to speak in His name.” ~Hypatia’s Daughter

“No country can act wisely simultaneously in every part of the globe at every moment of time.” ~Henry A. Kissinger

“No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head.” ~Terry Josephson

“No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.” ~Henry Brooks Adams

“No rational argument will have a rational effect on a man who does not want to adopt a rational attitude.” ~Karl Popper

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” ~Albert Camus

“Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There’s just too much fraternizing with the enemy.” ~Henry Kissinger

“Non-violence is a powerful and just weapon. which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Not a single one of your ancestors died young. They all copulated at least once.” ~Richard Dawkins

“Not all Muslims or all Arabs are terrorists. Nor are they implicated in the horrendous events of Tuesday.” ~Ibn Warraq

“Not all religion is to be found in the church, any more than all knowledge is found in the classroom.” ~Unknown

“Not by accident, you may be sure, do the Christian Scriptures make the father of knowledge a serpent – slimy, sneaking and abominable.” ~H. L. Mencken

“Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.” ~Albert Einstein

“Not ignorance, but ignorance of ignorance, is the death of knowledge.” ~Alfred North Whitehead

“Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.” ~George Carlin

“Not only is there nothing to be gained by believing an untruth, but there is everything to lose when we sacrifice the indispensable tool of reason on the altar of superstition.”

“Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

“Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts.” ~Henry B. Adams

“Ocean: A body of water occupying two-thirds of a world made for man; who has no gills.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Of our conflicts with others we make rhetoric; of our conflicts with ourselves we make poetry.” ~William Butler Yeats

“On the sixth day God created man. On the seventh day, man returned the favor.” ~Unknown

“Once you attempt legislation upon religious grounds, you open the way for every kind of intolerance and religious persecution.” ~William Butler Yeats

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” ~Albert Einstein

“One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven’t and don’t.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.” ~Chinese Proverb

“One of the great tragedies of mankind is that morality has been hijacked by religion.” ~Arthur C. Clarke

“One of the most important tasks of a manager is to eliminate his people’s excuses for failure.” ~Robert Townsend

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” ~Bertrand Russell

“One thing I have learned in a long life: All our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childlike — and yet it is the most precious thing we have.” ~Albert Einstein

“One thing I hope I’ll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again.” ~Jim Carrey

“Only men who are not interested in women are interested in women’s clothes. Men who like women never notice what they wear.” ~Anatole France

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” ~Albert Einstein

“Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire Cat.” ~”Julian Huxley

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” ~Thomas Edison

“Our knowledge can only be finite, while our ignorance must necessarily be infinite.” ~Karl Popper

“Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Our thoughts are unseen hands shaping the people we meet. Whatever we truly think them to be, that’s what they’ll become for us.” ~Richard Cowper

“Patriots always talk of dying for their country, and never of killing for their country.” ~Bertrand Russell

“People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.” ~Bob Dylan

“People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.” ~Richard J. Needham

“People who don’t like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn’t have such funny beliefs.” ~ Brad Reddekopp

“People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.” ~Dave Barry

“Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.” ~Unknown

“Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.” ~Robert Frost

“Poetry should be great and unobtrusive, a thing which enters into one’s soul, and does not startle it or amaze it with itself, but with it’s subject.” ~John Keats

“Poetry, even when apparently most fantastic, is always a revolt against artifice, a volt, in a sense, against actuality.” ~James Joyce

“Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.” ~Mark Twain

“Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.” ~John Quinton

“Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” ~Ronald Reagan

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.” ~Ernest Benn

“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.” ~Oscar Ameringer

“Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Prayer has no place in public schools, just like facts have no place in organized religion.” ~Suiperintendent Chalmers (from The Simpsons)

“Prayer is just a way of telling god that his divine plan for you is flawed and shockingly stingy.” ~Betty Bowers

“Prayer, among sane people, has never superseded practical efforts to secure the desired end.” ~George Santayana

“Prayer: The idea that God’s plans are so unimportant that he’s willing to change them just for you.” ~Unknown

“Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.” ~Isaac Asimov

“Puritans will never believe it, but life is full of disagreeable things that aren’t even good for you.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.” ~Dennis Leary

“Religion does three things quite effectively: Divides people, Controls people, Deludes people.” ~Carlespie Mary Alice McKinney

“Religion is a primitive form of philosophy, the attempt to offer a comprehensive view of reality.” ~Ayn Rand

“Religion is an illusion and it derives its strength from the fact that it falls in with our instinctual desires.” ~Sigmund Freud

“Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence; it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Religion: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble purpose.” ~James Madison

“Remember there’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.” ~Frank Zappa

“Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.” ~Faith Whittlesey

“Romance is dead: it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”

“Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith. I consider the capacity for it terrifying.” ~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

“Science and technology revolutionize our lives, but memory, tradition and myth frame our response.” ~Arthur M. Schlesinger

“Science can only ascertain what is, but not what should be, and outside of its domain value judgments of all kinds remain necessary.” ~Albert Einstein

“Science enables us to ween ourselves of that spiritual narcissism, which compelled us to be at the center of everything.” ~Anne Druyan

“Science is organized common sense where many a beautiful theory was killed by an ugly fact.” ~Thomas Huxley

“Science is simply common sense at its best, that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic.” ~Thomas Huxley

“Science is the attempt at the posterior reconstruction of existence by the process of conceptualization.” ~Albert Einstein

“Science is wonderfully equipped to answer the question ‘How?’ but it gets terribly confused when you ask the question ‘Why?’” ~Erwin Chargaff

“Science not only purifies the religious impulse of the dross of its anthropomorphism but also contributes to a religious spiritualization of our understanding of life. ~Albert Einstein

“Scriptures: the sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” ~Robin Williams

“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.” ~Albert Einstein

“Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.” ~Woody Allen

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.” ~Woody Allen

“Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other”sins” are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not a sin; just stupid.)” ~Robert A. Heinlein

“Since the Bible and the church are obviously mistaken in telling us where we came from, how can we trust them to tell us where we are going?” ~Unknown

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” ~Brooke Shields

“So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.” ~Bertrand Russell

“So you really think that God would plant a bunch of bones in the earth to test your faith? Either you’re in denial or God has some serious self-esteem issues.” ~Coral Yoshi

“Some things must be said, and there are times when silence becomes an accomplice to injustice.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“Sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.” ~Unknown

“Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.” ~Richard M. Nixon

“Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

“Technology is the knack of so arranging the world that we don’t have to experience it.” ~Max Frisch

“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.” ~Murphy’s Law

“The Bible is a book that has been read more and examined less than any book that ever existed.” ~Thomas Paine

“The Bible is a wonderful source of inspiration for those who don’t understand it.” ~George Santayana

“The Bible, in its every Book, and in the strictest legal and moral sense, is a huge forgery.” ~Joseph Wheless

“The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“The Government of the United States is in no sense founded on the Christian religion.” ~President John Adams

“The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life.” ~Andrew Brown

“The Internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn’t understand, the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had.” ~Eric Schmidt

“The Internet isn’t free. It just has an economy that makes no sense to capitalism.” ~Brad Shapcott

“The act of bellringing is symbolic of all proselytizing religions. It implies the pointless interference with the quiet of other people.” ~Ezra Pound

“The belief in free-will is not in the least incompatible with the belief in Providence, provided you do not restrict the Providence to fulminating nothing but fatal decrees.” ~William James

“The best scientist is open to experience and begins with romance; the idea that anything is possible.” ~Ray Bradbury

“The best thing about this group of candidates is that only one of them can win.” ~Will Rogers

“The best way to come to grips with death is to come to grips with life – THIS life.” ~Jim Ashby

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.” ~Brendan Behan

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” ~Robert Frost

“The chief reason why marriage is rarely a success is that it is contracted while the partners are insane.” ~Joseph Collins

“The church says the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the church.” Ferdinand Magellan

“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” ~Stanley J. Randall

“The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.” ~A. P. Herbert

“The cure for a fallacious argument is a better argument, not the supression of ideas. ~Carl Sagan

“The degree of one’s emotions varies inversely with one’s knowledge of the facts.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The difference between ‘involvement’ and ‘commitment’ is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was ‘involved'; the pig was ‘committed’.” ~ Mike Leach

“The difference between intelligence and education is this: intelligence will make you a good living.” ~Charles F. Kettering

“The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.” ~Peter Devries

“The easy confidence with which I know another man’s religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” ~Mark Twain

“The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility… The fact that it is comprehensible is a miracle.” ~Albert Einstein

“The evidence, so far at least and laws of Nature aside, does not require a Designer. Maybe there is one hiding, maddeningly unwilling to be revealed.” ~Carl Sagan

“The excesses of love soon pass, but its insufficiencies torment us forever.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“The first human to hurl an insult instead of a stone, was the founder of civilization.” ~Sigmund Freud

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.” ~Gloria Steinem

“The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.” ~Helen Rowland

“The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character: that is the goal of true education.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“The fundamental concept in social science is Power, in the same sense in which Energy is the fundamental concept in physics.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The gap between verse and poetry is enormous. Between good poetry and good prose the gap is much narrower.” ~Michael Longley

“The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it.” ~Truman Capote

“The great mass of people will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.” ~Adolf Hitler

“The great moral teachers of humanity were, in a way, artistic geniuses in the art of living.” ~Albert Einstein

“The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.” ~Art Spander

“The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance: it is the illusion of knowledge.” ~Daniel J. Boorstin

“The greatest pride, or the greatest despondency, is the greatest ignorance of one’s self.” ~Baruch Spinoza

“The heights of popularity and patriotism are still the beaten road to power and tyranny.” ~David Hume

“The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” ~George Jessel

“The idea of a Being who interferes with the sequence of events in the world is absolutely impossible.” ~Albert Einstein

“The idea that religion and politics don’t mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country.” ~Jerry Falwell

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” ~Albert Einstein

“The inspiration of the bible depends on the ignorance of the person who reads it.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.” ~Casey Stengel

“The love of liberty is the love of others; the love of power is the love of ourselves.” ~William Hazlitt

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” ~George Carlin

“The man who would exchange liberty for security deserves neither liberty nor security” ~Benjamin Franklin

“The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments.” ~William H. Borah

“The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.” ~Richard Burton

“The most certain test by which we judge whether a country is really free is the amount of security enjoyed by minorities.” ~Lord Acton

“The most common of all follies, is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.” ~H L Mencken

“The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ but ‘That’s funny!?!’“ ~Isaac Asimov

“The most henious and the must cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives. ~Mohandas K. Gandhi

“The most important change which extensive government control produces is a psychological change, an alteration in the character of a people.” ~Friedrich Hayek

“The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.” ~P.J. O’Rourke

“The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his.” ~George Patton

“The observances of the church concerning feasts and fasts are tolerably well-kept, since the rich keep the feasts and the poor keep the fasts.” ~Sydney Smith

“The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.” ~Foster’s Law

“The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.” ~John E. Southard

“The only real valuable thing is intuition. The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery.” ~Albert Einstein

“The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there’s nobody to cry out to during an orgasm.” ~Unknown

“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.” ~Natalie Wood

“The only truth I can understand or express is, logically defined, a lie. Psychologically defined, a symbol. Aesthetically defined, a metaphor.” ~Ursula K. Le Guin

“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.” ~Niels Bohr

“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” ~James Branch Cabell

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” ~George Carlin

“The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they’ve found it” ~Terry Pratchett

“The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.” ~Maureen Murphy

“The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.” ~Albert Einstein

“The rules of logic are to mathematics what those of structure are to architecture.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.” ~Isaac Asimov

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.” ~George Burns

“The secret of happiness is to face the fact that the world is horrible, horrible, horrible.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The tendency to turn human judgments into divine commands makes religion one of the most dangerous forces in the world.” ~Georgia Harkness

“The test of a man or woman’s breeding is how they behave in a quarrel.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“The theory of Communism may be summed up in one sentence: Abolish all private property.” ~Karl Marx

“The theory that you should always treat the religious convictions of other people with respect finds no support in the Gospels.” ~Arnold Lunn

“The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.” ~Herb Caen

“The trouble with people is not that they don’t know but that they know so much that ain’t so.” ~Josh Billings

“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity.” ~André Gide

“The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear.” ~Herbert Agar

“The universe may have a purpose, but nothing we know suggests that, if so, this purpose has any similarity to ours.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The vast majority of human beings are not interested in reason or satisfied with what it teaches.” ~Aldous Huxley

“The wages of sin are death, but after they take the taxes out, it’s more like a tired feeling, really.” ~Paula Poundstone

“The way Paramount interested me in [“Star Trek: The Next Generation”] is they said, ‘It’s impossible to do again,’ at which point my ears perked up.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.” ~Albert Einstein

“The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’, and the word ‘ticks’, meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.” ~Larry Hardiman

“The word morality, if we met it in the Bible, would surprise us as much as the word telephone or motor car.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“The world holds two classes of men: intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence” ~Abu’l-Ala-Al-Ma’arri

“The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” ~Albert Einstein

“The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who do nothing.” ~Albert Einstein

“The world’s greatest fool may say the Sun is shining, but that doesn’t make it dark out.” ~Robert Persig

“The worse your logic, the more interesting the consequences to which it gives rise.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

“There are 100 men seeking security to 1 able man who is willing to risk his fortune.” ~J. Paul Getty

“There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.” ~Henry David Thoreau

“There are no atheists in foxholes” isn’t an argument against atheism, it’s an argument against foxholes.” ~James Morrow

“There are only two ways of telling the complete truth: Unknownly and posthumously.” ~Thomas Sowell

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~Albert Einstein

“There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.” ~Mark Twain

“There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt.” ~John Adams

“There has never been a philosophy, a theory or a doctrine, that attacked (or ‘limited’) reason, which did not preach submission to the power of some authority.” ~Ayn Rand

“There is a single light of science, and to brighten it anywhere is to brighten it everywhere.” ~Isaac Asimov

“There is a tomorrow: we humans are going to make it. We’re something. To any young-minded person, that’s a very important statement.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“There is an objective reality out there, but we view it through the spectacles of our beliefs, attitudes, and values.” ~David G. Myers,

“There is in every village a torch; the schoolmaster: and an extinguisher; the parson.” ~Victor Hugo

“There is no equality. The only thing people all have in common is that they are all going to die.” ~Bob Dylan

“There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.” ~Don Herold

“There is nothing so pitiful as a young cynic because he has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.” ~Maya Angelou

“There is nothing which faith can not cover up from the light. But if a faith which ignores evidence isn’t a superstition, what then is superstition?” ~M.M. Mangasarian

“There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience.” ~Laurence J. Peter

“There once was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time was called the Dark Ages.” ~Richard Lederer

“There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part of a great many people to the effect that when you cease to believe you may cease to behave.” ~Louis Kronenberger

“There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.” ~Will Rogers

“There’s nothing like a good cheating song to make me want to run home to be with my wife.” ~Steven Curtis Chapman

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.” ~Stephen Colbert

“There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.” ~Dennis Miller

“There’s a phrase we live by in America:”In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.” ~Bill Maher

“They must find it difficult; those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than truth as the authority.” ~Gerald Massey

“This crime called blasphemy was invented by priests for the purpose of defending doctrines not able to take care of themselves.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“This is God’s world, not Satan’s. Christians are the lawful heirs, not non-Christians.” ~Gary North

“Those people who tell me that I’m going to hell while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we’re going to separate destinations.” ~Martin Terman

“Those who cavalierly reject the Theory of Evolution, as not adequately supported by facts, seem quite to forget that their own theory is supported by no facts at all.” ~Herbert Spencer

“Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.” ~Mark Twain

“Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.” ~Unknown

“Time has a way of demonstrating that the most stubborn are the most intelligent.” ~Yevgeny Yevtushenko

“To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.” ~Lionel Strachey

“To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.” ~Don Schrader

“To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup,

“To know one’s place in the cosmos is to know something of immense spiritual value.” ~Loyal Rue

“To pretend that Islam has nothing to do with Terrorist Tuesday is to willfully ignore the obvious and to forever misinterpret events.” ~Ibn Warraq

“To rest one’s case on faith means to concede that reason is on the side of one’s enemies- that one has no rational arguments to offer.” ~Ayn Rand

“To save the world requires faith and courage: faith in reason, and courage to proclaim what reason shows to be true.” ~Bertrand Russell

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.” ~Reba McEntire

“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.” ~Unknown

“To think that the ruler of the universe will run to my assistance and bend the laws of nature for me is the height of arrogance.” ~Dan Barker

“Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.” ~Robert Brault

“Toilet paper poetry can be found everywhere, every sheet looks just like every other sheet.” ~Kenneth Rexroth

“Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.” ~John F. Kennedy

“Tradition becomes our security, and when the mind is secure it is in decay. ~Jiddu Krishnamurti

“Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle: Keep away from children.” ~Phyllis Diller

“Traveler:”God has been mighty good to your fields, Mr. Farmer.”

“Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you: not because they are nice, but because you are.” ~Unknown

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” ~Albert Einstein

“Two mothers-in-law.” ~Lord John Russell, on being asked what he would consider a proper punishment for bigamy

“Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule. And both commonly succeed, and are right.” ~H.L. Mencken,

“Waste your money and you’re only out of money, but waste your time and you’ve lost a part of your life.” ~Michael LeBoeuf

“We are always making God our accomplice, that so we may legalize our own iniquities.” ~Henri Frederic Amiel

“We can allow satellites, planets, suns, universes – nay, whole systems of universes – to be governed by laws, but the smallest insect, we wish to be created at once by special act.” ~Charles Darwin

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” ~Plato

“We choose those we like; with those we love, we have no say in the matter.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“We find that the sexual instinct, when disappointed and unappeased, frequently seeks and finds a substitute in religion.” ~Baron Richard Von Kraft-Ebing

“We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.” ~Roderick Thorp

“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans and then blames them for his own mistakes.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the same sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.” ~H.L. Mencken

“We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.” ~Albert Einstein

“We who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“What I cannot create, I do not understand.” ~Richard Feynman (On his blackboard at time of death in 1988)

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” ~Phyllis Diller

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” ~George Levinger

“What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the wish to find out, which is its exact opposite.” ~Bertrand Russell

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“What really interests me is whether God had any choice in the creation of the world.” ~Albert Einstein

“What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“Whatsoever is contrary to nature is contrary to reason, and whatsoever is contrary to reason is absurd.” ~Baruch Spinoza

“When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.” ~Rita Rudner

“When I see the Ten Most Wanted list, I always have this thought: If we’d made them feel wanted earlier, they wouldn’t be wanted now.” ~Eddie Cantor

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.” ~Clarence Darrow

“When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.” ~Emo Phillips

“When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.” ~Helen Rowland

“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” ~Sacha Guitry

“When lip service to some mysterious deity permits bestiality on Wednesday and absolution on Sunday, cash me out.” ~Frank Sinatra

“When men destroy their old gods they will find new ones to take their place.” ~Pearl S. Buck

“When nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick.” ~Bill Lemley

“When people say ‘life is short’. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?” ~Unknown

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” ~Jimi Hendrix

“When we speak of God or the supernatural, we’re using the metaphorical language of ignorance.” ~Jim Ashby

“When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.” ~George Carlin

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.” ~Mark Twain

“Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.” ~Ogden Nash

“Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.” ~John Morley

“Where there’s marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“While religion prescribes brotherly love in the relations among the individuals and groups, the actual spectacle more resembles a battlefield than an orchestra.” ~Albert Einstein

“Why should I allow that same God to tell me how to raise my kids, who had to drown His own?” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!” ~George Bernard Shaw

“With apologies to Abe Lincoln, one needn’t fool all the people all the time, just enough of the people at the right time.” ~Bruce Grant

“With people of only moderate ability modesty is mere honesty; but with those who possess great talent it is hypocrisy.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

“With this pen I take in hand my selves and with these dead disciples I will grapple. Though rain curses the window let the poem be made.” ~Anne Sexton

“Without The Law of Moses would we all be wandering around like little gods, stealing, raping, and spilling blood whenever our vanity was offended?” ~Dan Barker

“Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

“Without doubt half the ethical rules they din into our ears are designed to keep us at work.” ~Llewelyn Powys

“Without doubt, there is no context, meaning, need or purpose for faith. Is there?” ~Jim Ashby

“Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.” ~Laurence Marks

“Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think; in a deeper voice.” ~Bill Cosby

“Women hope men will change after marriage but they don’t; men hope women won’t change but they do.” ~Bettina Arndt

“Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.” ~Dick Van Dyke

“Women’s Lib? Oh, I’m afraid it doesn’t interest me one bit. I’ve been so liberated it hurts.” ~Lucille Ball

“Women, like men, should try to do the impossible. And when they fail, their failure should be a challenge to others.” ~Amelia Earhart

“You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for fixing it.” ~Ken Keyes, Jr.

“You can avoid reality but you can’t avoid the consequences of avoiding reality” ~Ayn Rand

“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” ~Anne Lamott

“You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims.” ~Harriet Woods

“You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.” ~Leo Aikman

“You can’t convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it’s based on a deep seated need to believe.” ~Carl Sagan

“You can’t say that civilizations don’t advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.” ~Will Rogers

“You can’t truthfully explain your smallest action without fully revealing your character.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“You cannot have power for good without having power for evil too. Even mother’s milk nourishes murderers as well as heroes.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“You cannot reason a person out of a position he did not reason himself into in the first place.” ~Jonathan Swift

“You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.” ~Attributed to both Golda Meir and Indira Gandhi

“You couldn’t get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.” ~Edward Flaherty

“You don’t need the Bible to justify love, but no better tool as been invented to justify hate.” ~Richard A. Weatherwax

“You keep accusing me of blasphemy all of the time, But I cannot be convicted of a victimless crime.” ~Dan Barker

“You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” ~Erica Jong

“You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too.” ~John Kenneth Galbraith

“You’re basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend.” ~Richard Jeni

“’I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?” ~George Carlin

Insults:

Fundamentalists are a piston shy of a slide-whistle. ~Jim Ashby

If God wanted to you think, he wouldn’t have give you religion. ~Jim Ashby

If I want your opinion, I’ll fart. ~Jim Ashby

An exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: she said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
 
Earl of Sandwich to John Wilkes: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” Wilkes’ reply: 
“That depends, Sir, whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
 
“He had delusions of adequacy.” ~Walter Kerr
 
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” ~Winston Churchill
 
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” ~Clarence Darrow
 
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” ~William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
 
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” ~Moses Hadas
 
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” ~Mark Twain
 
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” ~Oscar Wilde
 
 George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… if you have one.” Churchill’s response: “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” ~Stephen Bishop
 
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” ~John Bright
 
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” ~Irvin S. Cobb
 
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” ~Samuel Johnson
 
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” ~Paul Keating
 
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” ~Charles, Count Talleyrand
 
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” ~Forrest Tucker
 
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” ~Mark Twain
 
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” ~Mae West
 
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” ~Oscar Wilde
 
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” ~Andrew Lang
 
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” ~Billy Wilder
 
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” ~Groucho Marx

 

Longer Quotes:

“(The Doctrine of Original Sin) declares that (man) ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge. He acquired a mind and became a rational being. It was the knowledge of good and evil: he became a moral being. He was sentenced to earn his bread by his labor: he became a productive being. He was sentenced to experience desire: he acquired the capacity of sexual enjoyment. The evils for which (the preachers) damn him are reason, morality, creativeness joy: all the cardinal values of his existence.” ~Ayn Rand

“A disbelief in the God of Abraham does not require that one search the entire cosmos and find Him absent; it only requires that one consider the evidence put forward by believers to be insufficient.” ~Sam Harris

“A fact is a simple statement that everyone believes. It is innocent, unless found guilty. A hypothesis is a novel suggestion that no one wants to believe. It is guilty, until found effective.” ~Edward Teller

“A good world needs knowledge, kindliness, and courage; it does not need a regretful hankering after the past or a fettering of the free intelligence by the words uttered long ago by ignorant men.” ~Bertrand Russell

“A group of explorers were searching some caves in the Holy Land and came across a large stone table that said ‘I do not exist’ and was signed by GOD. The atheist in the group exclaimed, ‘See, I told you!’” ~Gustave Flaubert

“A human being is part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe'; a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest: a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty.” ~Albert Einstein

“A man who is convinced of the truth of his religion is indeed never tolerant. At the least, he is to feel pity for the adherent of another religion but usually it does not stop there. The faithful adherent of a religion will try first of all to convince those that believe in another religion and usually he goes on to hatred if he is not successful. However, hatred then leads to persecution when the might of the majority is behind it.” ~Albert Einstein

“A man’s value to the community depends primarily on how far his feelings, thoughts, and actions are directed towards promoting the good of his fellows. We call him good or bad according to how he stands in this matter. It looks at first sight as if our estimate of a man depended entirely on his social qualities. And yet such an attitude would be wrong. It is clear that all the valuable things, material, spiritual, and moral, which we receive from society can be traced back through countless generations to certain creative individuals. The use of fire, the cultivation of edible plants, the steam engine — each was discovered by one man. Only the individual can think, and thereby create new values for society — nay, even set up new moral standards to which the life of the community conforms. Without creative, independently thinking and judging personalities the upward development of society is as unthinkable as the development of the individual personality without the nourishing soil of the community. The health of society thus depends quite as much on the independence of the individuals composing it as on their close political cohesion.” ~Albert Einstein

“A movement which is confined to philosophers and honest men can never exercise any real political influence: there are too few of them. Until a movement shows itself capable of spreading among brigands, it can never hope for a political majority.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“A poet once said,”The whole universe is in a glass of wine.” We will probably never know in what sense he meant that, for poets do not write to be understood. But it is true that if we look at a glass of wine closely enough we see the entire universe. There are the things of physics: the twisting liquid which evaporates depending on the wind and weather, the reflections in the glass, and our imagination adds the atoms. The glass is a distillation of the Earth’s rocks, and in its composition we see the secrets of the universe’s age, and the evolution of stars. What strange arrays of chemicals are in the wine? How did they come to be? There are the ferments, the enzymes, the substrates, and the products. There in wine is found the great generalization: all life is fermentation. Nobody can discover the chemistry of wine without discovering, as did Louis Pasteur, the cause of much disease. How vivid is the claret, pressing its existence into the consciousness that watches it! If our small minds, for some convenience, divide this glass of wine, this universe, into parts — physics, biology, geology, astronomy, psychology, and so on — remember that Nature does not know it! So let us put it all back together, not forgetting ultimately what it is for. Let it give us one more final pleasure: drink it and forget it all!” ~Richard Feynman

“A poet’s object is not to tell what actually happened but what could or would happen either probably or inevitably. For this reason poetry is something more scientific and serious than history, because poetry tends to give general truths while history gives particular facts.” ~Aristotle

“A religious person is devout in the sense that he has no doubt of the significance and loftiness of those superpersonal objects and goals which neither require nor are capable of rational foundation. They exist with the same necessity and matter-of-factness as he himself.” ~Albert Einstein

“A scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.” ~Max Planck

“A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on this side.” ~Aristotle

“All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man’s life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.” ~Albert Einstein

“Almost all the angry letters I received were from Muslims. People called me an Uncle Tom, white on the inside, a traitor to my people. All these ad hominem attacks were basically distractions from the real issue, which wasn’t me. It doesn’t matter who I am. What matters is abuse, and how it is anchored in a religion that denies women their rights as humans. What matters is that atrocities against women and children are carried out in Europe. What matters is that governments and societies must stop hiding behind a hollow pretense of tolerance so that they can recognize and deal with the problem.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“Almost everyone who has read history in a more than casual manner knows that when the great figure of God appears in a controversy, the shooting cannot be far off.” ~Stewart H. Holbrook

“An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: ‘If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?’ ‘No,’ said the priest, ‘not if you did not know.’ ‘Then why,’ asked the Inuit earnestly, ‘did you tell me?’“ ~Annie Dillard

“An atheist, like a Christian, holds that we can know whether or not there is a God. The Christian holds that we can know there is a God; the atheist, that we can know there is not. The Agnostic suspends judgment, saying that there are not sufficient grounds either for affirmation or for denial. At the same time, an Agnostic may hold that the existence of God, though not impossible, is very improbable; he may even hold it so improbable that it is not worth considering in practice. In that case, he is not far removed from atheism. His attitude may be that which a careful philosopher would have towards the gods of ancient Greece. If I were asked to prove that Zeus and Poseidon and Hera and the rest of the Olympians do not exist, I should be at a loss to find conclusive arguments. An Agnostic may think the Christian God as improbable as the Olympians; in that case, he is, for practical purposes, at one with the atheists.” ~Bertrand Russell

“An autocratic system of coercion, in my opinion, soon degenerates. For force always attracts men of low morality, and I believe it to be an invariable rule that tyrants of genius are succeeded by scoundrels.” ~Albert Einstein

“An idea is a greater monument than a cathedral. And the advance of man’s knowledge is a greater miracle than all the sticks turned to snakes or the parting of the waters.” ~Henry Drummond

“And I have no doubt that every new example will succeed, as every past one has done, in showing that religion and Government will both exist in greater purity, the less they are mixed together.” ~James Madison

“Anybody who has been seriously engaged is scientific work of any kind realizes that over the entrance to the gates of the temple of science are written the words: ‘Ye must have faith.’“ ~Max Planck

“Are you in a universe which is ruled by natural laws and, therefore, is stable, firm, absolute and knowable? Or are you in an incomprehensible chaos, a realm of inexplicable miracles, an unpredictable, unknowable flux, which your mind is impotent to grasp? The nature of your actions and of your ambition will be different, according to which set of answers you come to accept.” ~Ayn Rand

“Atheism is more than just the knowledge that Gods do not exist, and that religion is either a mistake or a fraud. Atheism is an attitude, a frame of mind that looks at the world objectively, fearlessly, always trying to understand all things as a part of nature.” ~Carl Sagan

“Atheism leaves a man to sense, to philosophy, to natural piety, to laws, to reputation; all of which may be guides to an outward moral virtue, even if religion vanished; but religious superstition dismounts all these and erects an absolute monarchy in the minds of men.” ~Francis Bacon

“Atheist n A person to be pitied in that he is unable to believe things for which there is no evidence, and who has thus deprived himself of a convenient means of feeling superior to others.” ~Chaz Bufe

“Because religious belief, or non-belief, is such an important part of every person’s life, freedom of religion affects every individual. Religious institutions that use government power in support of themselves and force their views on persons of other faiths, or of no faith, undermine all our civil rights. Moreover, state support of an established religion tends to make the clergy unresponsive to their own people, and leads to corruption within religion itself. Erecting the”wall of separation between church and state,” therefore, is absolutely essential in a free society. ~Thomas Jefferson

“Bin Laden’s quotes from the Quaran resonated in my brain: ‘When you meet the unbelievers, strike them in the neck.’ ‘If you do not go out and fight, God will punish you severely and put others in your place.’ ‘Wherever you find the polytheists, kill them, seize them, besiege them, ambush them.’ ‘You who believe, do not take the Jews and Christians as friends; they are allies only to each other. Anyone who takes them as an ally becomes one of them.’” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: It transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural and spritual; and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity.” ~Albert Einstein

“By declaring our Prophet infallible and not permitting ourselves to question him, we Muslims had set up a static tyranny. The Prophet Muhammad attempted to legislate every aspect of life. By adhering to his rules of what is permitted and what is forbidden, we Muslims supressed the freedom to think for ourselves and to act as we chose. We froze the moral outlook of billions of people into the mind-set of the Arab desert in the seventh century. We were not just servants of Allah, we were slaves.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“Christian fundamentalism: the doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.” ~Andrew Lias

“Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.” ~Unknown

“Church tax exemption means that we all drop our money in the collection boxes, whether we go to church or not and whether we are interested in the church or not. It is systematic and complete robbery, from which none of us escapes.” ~E. Haldeman-Julius

“Coolidge was known for his terse speech and reticence. A woman bet her friend that she could get Coolidge to speak to her, which was something he was reluctant to do. She went up to him and said: ‘Hello, Mr. President, I bet my friend that I could get you to say three words to me.’ ‘You lose,’ Coolidge replied dryly, and walked away.” ~Unknown

“Development of Western Science is based on two great achievements — the invention of the formal logical system (in Euclidean geometry) by the Greek philosophers, and the discovery of the possibility to find out causal relationships by systematic experiment (during the Renaissance). In my opinion, one has not to be astonished that the Chinese sages have not made these steps. The astonishing thing is that these discoveries were made at all.” ~Albert Einstein

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.” ~Henny Youngman

“Dogmatism and skepticism are both, in a sense, absolute philosophies; one is certain of knowing, the other of not knowing. What philosophy should dissipate is certainty, whether of knowledge or ignorance.” ~Bertrand Russell

“During the youthful period of mankind’s spiritual evolution human fantasy created gods in man’s own image, who, by the operations of their will were supposed to determine, or at any rate to influence, the phenomenal world. Man sought to alter the disposition of these gods in his own favor by means of magic and prayer. The idea of God in the religions taught at present is a sublimation of that old concept of the gods. Its anthropomorphic character is shown, for instance, by the fact that men appeal to the Divine Being in prayers and plead for the fulfillment of their wishes.” ~Albert Einstein

“During the youthful period of mankind’s spiritual evolution, human fantasy created gods in man’s own image who, by the operations of their will were supposed to determine, or at any rate influence, the phenomenal world. The idea of God in the religions taught at present is a sublimation of that old conception of the gods. Its anthropomorphic character is shown, for instance, by the fact that men appeal to the Divine Being in prayers and plead for the fulfillment of their wishes. In their struggle for the ethical good, teachers of religion must have the stature to give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is, give up that source of fear and hope which in the past placed such vase power in the hands of priests.” ~Albert Einstein

“Each piece, or part, of the whole nature is always an approximation to the complete truth, or the complete truth so far as we know it. In fact, everything we know is only some kind of approximation, because we know that we do not know all the laws as yet. Therefore, things must be learned only to be unlearned again or, more likely, to be corrected. The test of all knowledge is experiment. Experiment is the sole judge of scientific ‘truth’”. ~Richard Feynman

“Every one must act according to the dictates of his own reason, & mine tells me that civil powers alone have been given to the President of the US and no authority to direct the religious exercises of his constituents.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“Every philosophical problem, when it is subjected to the necessary analysis and justification, is found either to be not really philosophical at all, or else to be, in the sense in which we are using the word, logical.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Evolution is not a religious tenet, to which one swears allegiance or belief as a matter of faith. It is a factual reality of the empirical world. Just as one would not say ‘I believe in gravity,’ one should not proclaim ‘I believe in evolution’.” ~Michael Shermer

“Evolution provides a scientific foundation for the core values shared by most Christians and conservatives, and by accepting–and embracing–the theory of evolution, Christians and conservatives strengthen their religion, their politics, and science itself. The conflict between science and religion is senseless. It is based on fears and misunderstandings rather than on facts and moral wisdom.” ~Michael Shermer

“Few nations have been so poor as to have but one god. Gods were made so easily, and the raw material cost so little, that generally the god market was fairly glutted and heaven crammed with these phantoms.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.” ~Albert Einstein

“Finally, from what we now know about the cosmos, to think that all this was created for just one species among the tens of millions of species who live on one planet circling one of a couple of hundred billion stars that are located in one galaxy among hundreds of billions of galaxies, all of which are in one universe among perhaps an infinite number of universes all nestled within a grand cosmic multiverse, is provincially insular and anthropocentrically blinkered. Which is more likely? That the universe was designed just for us, or that we see the universe as having been designed just for us?” ~Michael Shermer

“Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because, if there be one, he must approve the homage of reason rather than of blind-folded fear. Do not be frightened from this inquiry by any fear of its consequences. If it end in a belief that there is no god, you will find incitements to virtue in the comfort and pleasantness you feel in its exercise and in the love of others it will procure for you.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“For centuries, the mystics of spirit had existed by running a protection racket, by making life on earth unbearable, then charging you for consolation and relief, by forbidding all the virtues that make existence possible, then riding on the shoulders of your guilt, by declaring production and joy to be sins, then collecting blackmail from the sinners.” ~Ayn Rand

“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.” ~Charles Bukowski

“Free Will does not say that everything that is physically conceivable is also morally possible. It merely says that of alternatives that really tempt our will more than one is really possible.” ~William James

“Geology shows that fossils are of different ages. Paleontology shows a fossil sequence, the list of species represented changes through time. Taxonomy shows biological relationships among species. Evolution is the explanation that threads it all together. Creationism is the practice of squeezing one’s eyes shut and wailing ‘Does not!’“ ~Unknown

“George Bush says he speaks to god every day, and Christians love him for it. If George Bush said he spoke to god through his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the addition of a hair dryer makes it any more absurd.” ~Sam Harris

“George Bush says he speaks to god every day, and Christians love him for it. If George Bush said he spoke to god through his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the addition of a hair dryer makes it any more absurd.” ~Sam Harris

“God tells Adam and Eve not to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. If this was the only way they could understand the difference between good and evil, how could they have known that it was wrong to disobey God and eat the fruit?” ~Laurie Lynn

“God was invented to explain mystery. God is always invented to explain those things that you do not understand. Now, when you finally discover how something works, you get some laws which you’re taking away from God; you don’t need him anymore. But you need him for the other mysteries. So therefore you leave him to create the universe because we haven’t figured that out yet; you need him for understanding those things which you don’t believe the laws will explain, such as consciousness, or why you only live to a certain length of time — life and death — stuff like that. God is always associated with those things that you do not understand. Therefore I don’t think that the laws can be considered to be like God because they have been figured out.” ~Richard Feynman

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.” ~Albert Einstein

“Gregariousness is always the refuge of mediocrities, whether they swear by Soloviev or Kant or Marx. Only individuals seek the truth, and they shun those whose sole concern is not the truth.” ~Boris Pasternak

“He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.” ~Albert Einstein

“How can cosmic religious feeling be communicated from one person to another, if it can give rise to no definite notion of a God and no theology? In my view, it is the most important function of art and science to awaken this feeling and keep it alive in those who are receptive to it.” ~Albert Einstein

“How can it be that mathematics, being after all a product of human thought which is independent of experience, is so admirably appropriate to the objects of reality? Is human reason, then, without experience, merely by taking thought, able to fathom the properties of real things?” ~Albert Einstein

“How can we find spiritual meaning in a scientific worldview? Spirituality is a way of being in the world, a sense of one’s place in the cosmos, a relationship to that which extends beyond oneself. Does scientific explanation of the world diminish its spiritual beauty? I think not. Science and spirituality are complementary, not conflicting; additive, not detractive. Anything that generates a sense of awe may be a source of spirituality. Science does this in spades.” ~Michael Shermer

“How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?” ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

“I am an adherent of the ideal of democracy, although I well know the weaknesses of the democratic form of government. Social equality and economic protection of the individual appeared to me always as the important communal aims of the state.” ~Albert Einstein

“I am quite aware that for any organization to reach its goals, one man must do the thinking and directing and generally bear the responsibility. But the led must not be coerced, they must be able to choose their leader.” ~Albert Einstein

“I am truly a ‘lone traveler’ and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude.” ~Albert Einstein

“I believe in humanity. We are an incredible species. We’re still just a child creature, we’re still being nasty to each other. And all children go through those phases. We’re growing up, we’re moving into adolescence now. When we grow up, man, we’re going to be something!” ~Gene Roddenberry

“I believe in the religion of reason — the gospel of this world; in the development of the mind, in the accumulation of intellectual wealth, to the end that man may free himself from superstitious fear, to the end that he may take advantage of the forces of nature to feed and clothe the world.” ~Robert Ingersoll

“I believe in treating others as I want to be treated – but I certainly don’t believe in turning the other cheek and the truth is that I never knew any Christians who did either.” ~James Hervey Johnson

“I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own: a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms.” ~Albert Einstein

“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” ~Stephen Roberts

“I do not believe in the God of theology who rewards good and punishes evil. I cannot accept any concept of God based on the fear of life or the fear of death, or blind faith.” ~Albert Einstein

“I do not believe the homosexual community deserves minority status. One’s misbehavior does not qualify him or her for minority status. Blacks, Hispanics, women, etc., are God-ordained minorities who do indeed deserve minority status.” ~Jerry Falwell

“I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure: that is all that agnosticism means.” ~Clarence Darrow

“I do not think it is necessary to believe that the same God who has given us our senses, reason, and intelligence wished us to abandon their use, giving us by some other means the information that we could gain through them.” ~ Galileo Galilei

“I do understand what love is, and that is one of the reasons I can never again be a Christian. Love is not self denial. Love is not blood and suffering. Love is not murdering your son to appease your own vanity. Love is not hatred or wrath, consigning billions of people to eternal torture because they have offended your ego or disobeyed your rules. Love is not obedience, conformity, or submission. It is a counterfeit love that is contingent upon authority, punishment, or reward. True love is respect and admiration, compassion and kindness, freely given by a healthy, unafraid human being.” ~Dan Barker

“I don’t believe in an afterlife, so I don’t have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.” ~Isaac Asimov

“I don’t believe in an afterlife, so I don’t have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.” ~Issac Asimov

“I had a student ask me, ‘Could the savior you believe in save Osama bin Laden?’ Of course, we know the blood of Jesus Christ can save him, and then he must be executed.” ~Jerry Falwell

“I had gradually come to see that the Old Testament from its manifestly false history of the world, with the Tower of Babel, the rainbow as a sign, etc., etc., and from its attributing to God the feelings of a revengeful tyrant, was no more to be trusted than the sacred books of the Hindoos, or the beliefs of any barbarian” ~Charles Darwin

“I have always been reasonably leery of religion because there are so many edicts in religion, ‘thou shalt not,’ or ‘thou shalt.’ I wanted my world of the future to be clear of that.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“I have approximate answers and possible beliefs in different degrees of certainty about different things, but I’m not absolutely sure of anything, and of many things I don’t know anything about, but I don’t have to know an answer I don’t feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in the mysterious universe without having any purpose which is the way it really is as far as I can tell possibly. It doesn’t frighten me.” ~Richard Feynman

“I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“I have never talked to a Jesuit prest in my life. I am astonished by the audacity to tell such lies about me. From the viewpoint of a Jesuit priest I am, of course, and have always been an atheist.” ~Albert Einstein

“I have nothing but admiration for this silly race of ours. Even with the Hitlers in it and so on. Sometimes it goes into ugliness, but, in all though, it is a beauty. It’s like a rose, which also has thorns. We’re something.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“I have repeatedly said that in my opinion the idea of a personal God is a childlike one.You may call me an agnostic, but I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from religious indoctrination received in youth.” ~Albert Einstein

“I have repeatedly said that, in my opinion, the idea of a personal God is a childlike one. You may call me an agnostic, but I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in youth. I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being.” ~Albert Einstein

“I have something to say to the religionist who feels atheists never say anything positive: You are an intelligent human being. Your life is valuable for its own sake. You are not second-class in the universe, deriving meaning and purpose from some other mind. You are not inherently evil. You are inherently human: possessing the positive rational potential to help make this a world of morality, peace and joy. Trust yourself.” ~Dan Barker

“I think I could turn and live with animals, They are so placid and self-contained, I stand and look at them long and long. They do not sweat and whine about their condition, They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins, They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God.” ~Walt Whitman

“I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said ‘Stop! don’t do it!’ ‘Why shouldn’t I?’ he said. I said, ‘Well, there’s so much to live for!’ He said, ‘Like what?’ I said, ‘Well, are you religious or atheist?’ He said, ‘Religious.’ I said, ‘Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?’ He said, ‘Christian.’ I said, ‘Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?’ He said, ‘Protestant.’ I said, ‘Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?’ He said, ‘Baptist!’ I said, ‘Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist church of god or Baptist church of the lord?’ He said, ‘Baptist church of god!’ I said, ‘Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god, or are you reformed Baptist church of god?’ He said, ‘Reformed Baptist church of god!’ I said, ‘Me too! Are you reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?’ He said, ‘Reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!’ I said, ‘Die, heretic scum,’ and pushed him off.” ~Emo Phillips

“I will not attack your doctrines nor your creeds if they accord liberty to me. If they hold thought to be dangerous: if they aver that doubt is a crime; then I attack them one and all, because they enslave the minds of men.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“I would defend the liberty of consenting adult creationists to practice whatever intellectual perversions they like in the privacy of their own homes; but it is also necessary to protect the young and innocent.” ~Arthur C. Clarke

“I have seen several entirely sincere people who thought they were (permanent) Seekers after Truth. They sought diligently, persistently, carefully, cautiously, profoundly, with perfect honesty and nicely adjusted judgment–until they believed that without doubt or question they had found the Truth. That was the end of the search. The man spent the rest of his life hunting up shingles wherewith to protect his Truth from the weather. If he was seeking after political Truth he found it in one or another of the hundred political gospels which govern men in the earth; if he was seeking after the Only True Religion he found it in one or another of the three thousand that are on the market. In any case, when he found the Truth he sought no further; but from that day forth, with his soldering-iron in one hand and his bludgeon in the other he tinkered its leaks and reasoned with objectors.” ~Mark Twain

“I’m against nature. I don’t dig nature at all. I think nature is very unnatural. I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can’t touch with decay.” ~Bob Dylan

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.” ~George Carlin

“I’m sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don’t think there’s any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.” ~Howard Stern

“ID creationists don’t really expect to win arguments with scientists about science, but they do want to have arguments with scientists so the public might think they have a substantial case. They want the public, not scientists, to judge. What could be fairer? Unfortunately, it’s easy to sound like a scientist among people not well versed in a particular specialty.” ~Bruce Grant

“If acorns start growing into theologians, or if women begin turning into pillars of salt, then we may wish to hypothesize about a supernatural influence. But until such time as nature becomes hopelessly unintelligible and unpredictable, we need look no further than nature itself for explanations.” ~George H. Smith

“If God kills, lies, cheats, discriminates, and otherwise behaves in a manner that puts the Mafia to shame, that’s okay, he’s God. He can do whatever he wants. Anyone who adheres to this philosophy has had his sense of morality, decency, justice and humaneness warped beyond recognition by the very book that is supposedly preaching the opposite.” ~Dennis McKinsey

“If I take a lamp and shine toward the wall, a bright spot will appear on the wall. The lamp is our search for truth, for understanding. Too often we assume the light on the wall is God, but the light is not the goal of the search, it is the result of the search. The more intense the search, the brighter the light on the wall. The brighter the light on the wall, the greater the revelation upon seeing it. Similarly, someone who does not search, who does not bring a lantern with him, sees nothing. What we perceive as God is the by-product of our search for God. It may simply be an appreciation of the light, pure and unblemished. Not understanding that it comes from us, sometimes, we stand in front of the light and assume we are the center of the universe. God looks astonishingly like we do. Or we turn to look at our shadow and assume all is darkness. If we allow ourselves to get in the way, we defeat the purpose: which is use the light of our search to illuminate the wall in all its beauty and all it flaws, and in so doing, better understand the world around us.” ~J. Michael Straczynski

“If I were not an atheist, I would believe in a God who would choose to save people on the basis of the totality of their lives and not the pattern of their words. I think he would prefer an honest and righteous atheist to a TV preacher whose every word is God, God, God, and whose every deed is foul, foul, foul.” ~Isaac Asimov

“If I were to speak your kind of language, I would say that man’s only moral commandment is: Thou shalt think. But a ‘moral commandment’ is a contradiction in terms. The moral is the chosen, not the forced; the understood, not the obeyed. The moral is the rational, and reason accepts no commandments.” ~Ayn Rand

“If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying”. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did”.” ~Jack Handey

“If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“If history and science have taught us anything, it is that passion and desire are not the same as truth. The human mind evolved to believe in the gods. It did not evolve to believe in biology. Acceptance of the supernatural conveyed a great advantage throughout prehistory, when the brain was evolving. Thus it is in sharp contrast to biology, which was developed as a product of the modern age and is not underwritten by genetic algorithms. The uncomfortable truth is that the two beliefs are not factually compatible. As a result those who hunger for both intellectual and religious truth will never acquire both in full measure.” ~Edward O. Wilson

“If some good evidence for life after death were announced, I’d be eager to examine it; but it would have to be real scientific data, not mere anecdote. Better the hard truth, I say, than the comforting fantasy.” ~Carl Sagan

“If there is a designer he must take credit for the flaws in his creation. Flaws in the creation directly reflect flaws in the creator. If there is a flaw in the creator then he cannot be all powerful.” ~David Hume

“If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.” ~Dave Barry

“If this being is omnipotent, then every occurrence, including every human action, every human thought, and every human feeling and aspiration is also His work; how is it possible to think of holding men responsible for their deeds and thoughts before such an almighty Being? In giving out punishment and rewards He would to a certain extent be passing judgment on Himself. How can this be combined with the goodness and righteousness ascribed to Him?” ~Albert Einstein

“If we look back into history for the character of the present sects in Christianity, we shall find few that have not in their turns been persecutors, and complainers of persecution. The primitive Christians thought persecution extremely wrong in the Pagans, but practiced it on one another. The first Protestants of the Church of England blamed persecution in the Romish church, but practiced it upon the Puritans. These found it wrong in the Bishops, but fell into the same practice themselves both here [England]and in New England” ~Benjamin Franklin

“If you get caught at some crucial point and somebody tells you that your doctrine doesn’t make sense, you’re ready for him. You tell him there’s something above sense. That here he must not try to think, he must feel. He must believe. Suspend reason and you can play it deuces wild.” ~Ayn Rand

“If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you’d have a hell of a lot of overlapping.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good.” ~Thomas J. Watson

“If you want to get together in any exclusive situation and have people love you, fine – but to hang all this desperate sociology on the idea of The Cloud-Guy who has The Big Book, who knows if you’ve been bad or good – and cares about any of it – to hang it all on that, folks, is the chimpanzee part of the brain working.” ~Frank Zappa

“If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT!” ~Frank Zappa

“In Italy, the Inquisition was condemning people to death until the end of the eighteenth century, and inquisitional torture was not abolished in the Catholic until 1816. The last bastion of support for the reality of witchcraft and the necessity of punishment has been the Christian churches. ~Carl Sagan

“In dark ages people are best guided by religion, as in a pitch-black night a blind man is the best guide; he knows the roads and paths better than a man who can see. When daylight comes, however, it is foolish to use blind, old men as guides.” ~Heinrich Heine

“In democratic countries, the most important private organizations are economic. Unlike secret societies, they are able to exercize their terrorism without illegality, since they do not threaten to kill their enemies, but only to starve them.” ~Bertrand Russell

“In science, ‘fact’ can only mean ‘confirmed to such a degree that it would be perverse to withhold provisional assent.’ I suppose that apples might start to rise tomorrow, but the possibility does not merit equal time in physics classrooms.” ~Stephen Jay Gould

“In skepticism we have two canonical sayings:’Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence’ and ‘Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.’” ~Michael Shermer

“In the case of a Christian clergyman, the tragic-comical is found in this: that the Christian religion demands love from the faithful, even love for the enemy. This demand, because it is indeed superhuman, he is unable to fulfill. Thus intolerance and hatred ring through the oily words of the clergyman. The love, which on the Christian side is the basis for the conciliatory attempt towards Judaism is the same as the love of a child for a cake. That means that it contains the hope that the object of the love will be eaten up.” ~Albert Einstein

“Individual Moslems may show splendid qualities, but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step.” ~Sir Winston Churchill

“Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving; it consists in professing to believe what one does not believe. It is impossible to calculate the moral mischief, if I may so express it, that mental lying has produced in society. When man has so far corrupted and prostituted the chastity of his mind, as to subscribe his professional belief to things he does not believe, he has prepared himself for the commission of every other crime.” ~Thomas Paine

“Infuriatingly stupid analysts, especially people who called themselves Arabists, yet who seemed to know next to nothing about the reality of the Islamic world, wrote reams of commentary [after 9/11]. Their articles were all about Islam saving Aristotle and the zero, which medieval Muslim scholars had done more than eight hundred years ago; about Islam being a religion of peace and tolerance, not the slightest bit violent. These were fairy tales, nothing to do with the real world I knew.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckn’ empty little heads off.” ~George Carlin

“Intelligent Design is a remarkably uncreative theory that abandons the search for understanding at the very point where it is most needed. If Intelligent Design is really a science, then the burden is on its scientists to discover the mechanisms used by the Intelligent Designer.” ~Michael Shermer

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” ~Epicurus

“Islam was like a mental cage. At first, when you open the door, the caged bird stays inside: it is frightened. It has internalized its imprisonment. It takes time for bird to escape, even after someone has opened the doors to its cage.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“It could mean that we are completely wasting our time arguing the case and presenting the evidence for evolution. We have it on the authority of Kurt Wise, who may well be creationism’s most highly qualified and most intelligent scientist that no evidence, no matter how overwhelming, no matter how all-embracing, no matter how devastatingly convincing, can ever make any difference.” ~Richard Dawkins

“It doesn’t seem to me that this fantastically marvelous universe, this tremendous range of time and space and different kinds of animals, and all the different planets, and all these atoms with all their motions, and so on, all this complicated thing can merely be a stage so that God can watch human beings struggle for good and evil — which is the view that religion has. The stage is too big for the drama.” ~Richard Feynman

“It has never mattered to me that thirty million people might think I’m wrong. The number of people who thought Hitler was right did not make him right. Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?” ~Frank Zappa

“It is always difficult to make the transition to a modern world. I moved from the world of faith to the world of reason: from the world of excision and forced marriage to the world of sexual emancipation. Having made that journey, I know that one of those worlds is simply better than the other. Not because of its flashy gadgets, but fundamentally, because of its values. ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“It is doubtful if the oppressed ever fight for freedom. They fight for pride and power- power to oppress others. The oppressed want above all to imitate their oppressors; they want to retaliate.” ~Eric Hoffer

“It is the position of some theists that their right to freedom OF religion is abridged when they are not allowed to violate the rationalists’ right to freedom FROM religion.” ~James T. Green

“It is the struggle itself that is most important. We must strive to be more than we are. It does not matter that we will not reach our ultimate goal. The effort itself yields its own reward.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.” ~Helen Keller

“It speaks to some basic human needs, that there is a tomorrow: it’s not all going to be over in a big flash and a bomb; that the human race is improving; that we have things to be proud of as humans. No, ancient astronauts did not build the pyramids: human beings built them because they’re clever and they work hard. And ‘Star Trek’ is about those things.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it.” ~Albert Einstein

“It’s not easy to change world views. Faith has its own momentum and belief is comfortable. To restructure reality is traumatic and scary. That is why many intelligent people continue to believe: unbelief is an unknown.” ~Dan Barker

“Jesus’ last words on the cross, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” hardly seem like the words of a man who planned it that way. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure there is something wrong here.” ~Donald Morgan

“Knowledge, like other good things, is difficult, but not impossible; the dogmatist forgets the difficulty, the skeptic denies the possibility. Both are mistaken, and their errors, when widespread, produce social disaster.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Lady Nancy Astor, Viscountess:”If you were my husband, Winston, I should flavour your coffee with poison.”

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

“Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.” ~Butch Hancock

“Looking back at the worst times, it always seems that they were times in which there were people who believed with absolute faith and absolute dogmatism in something. And they were so serious in this matter that they insisted that the rest of the world agree with them. And then they would do things that were directly inconsistent with their own beliefs in order to maintain that what they said was true.” ~Richard Feynman

“Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion- several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn’t straight.” ~Mark Twain

“Man seeks to form for himself, in whatever manner is suitable for him, a simplified and lucid image of the world, and so to overcome the world of experience by striving to replace it to some extent by this image. This is what the painter does, and the poet, the speculative philosopher, the natural scientist, each in his own way. Into this image and its formation, he places the center of gravity of his emotional life, in order to attain the peace and serenity that he cannot find within the narrow confines of swirling personal experience.” ~Albert Einstein

“Mankind has tried the other two roads to peace: the road of political jealousy and the road of religious bigotry and found them both equally misleading. Perhaps it will now try the third, the road of scientific truth; the only road on which the passenger is not deceived, like a skittish horse with blinders. Science does not, ostrich-like, bury its head amidst perils and difficulties. It tries to see everything exactly as everything is.” ~Professor Garrett P. Serviss

“Many orthodox people speak as though it were the business of sceptics to disprove received dogmas rather than of dogmatists to prove them. This is, of course, a mistake. If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Many orthodox people speak as though it were the business of sceptics to disprove received dogmas rather than of dogmatists to prove them. This is, of course, a mistake.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Many persons have inquired concerning a recent message of mine that ‘a new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels.’ Often in evolutionary processes a species must adapt to new conditions in order to survive. Today the atomic bomb has altered profoundly the nature of the world as we know it, and the human race consequently finds itself in a new habitat to which it must adapt its thinking. In light of new knowledge…an eventual world state is not just desirable in the name of brotherhood, it is necessary for survival. Today we must abandon competition and secure cooperation. This must be the central fact in all our considerations of international affairs; otherwise we face certain disaster. Past thinking and methods did not prevent world wars. Future thinking must prevent wars.” ~Albert Einstein

“May we not return to those scoundrels of old, the illustrious founders of superstition and fanaticism, who first took the knife from the altar to make victims of those who refused to be their disciples?” ~Voltaire

“Measured objectively, what a man can wrest from Truth by passionate striving is utterly infinitesimal. But the striving frees us from the bonds of the self and makes us comrades of those who are the best and the greatest.” ~Albert Einstein

“Men think epilepsy divine, merely because they do not understand it. But if they called everything divine which they do not understand, why, there would be no end of divine things.” ~Hippocrates

“Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one-half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“Most unmarried Somali girls who got pregnant committed suicide. I knew of one girl in Mogadishu who poured a can of gasoline over herself in the living room, with everyone there, and burned herself alive. Of course, if she hadn’t done this, her father and brothers would probably have killed her anyway.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they’ll never get all the pennies out of the pot.” ~Armistead Maupin

“My purpose…is is to transform theologians into anthropologists, lovers of God into lovers of man, candidates for the next world into students of this world … I negate the fantastic hypocrisy of theology and religion only in order to affirm the true nature of man.” ~Ludwig Andreas von Feuerbach

“My religiosity consists in a humble admiration of the infinitely superior spirit that reveals itself in the little that we, with our weak and transitory understanding, can comprehend of reality. Morality is of the highest importance. But for us, not for God.” ~Albert Einstein

“My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth–that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally–but I didn’t want to upset him.” ~Jack Handy

“Myths, whether in written or visual form, serve a vital role of asking unanswerable questions and providing unquestionable answers. Most of us, most of the time, have a low tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty. We want to reduce the cognitive dissonance of not knowing by filling the gaps with answers. Traditionally, religious myths have served that role, but today — the age of science — science fiction is our mythology.” ~Michael Shermer

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” ~Napoleon Bonaparte

“No man complains of his neighbor for ill management of his affairs, for an error in sowing his land or marrying his daughter, for consuming his substance in taverns. In all these he has liberty; but if he does not frequent the church, or then conform in ceremonies, there is an immediate uproar.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“No man was ever yet a great poet, without being at the same time a profound philosopher. For poetry is the blossom and the fragrance of all human knowledge, human thoughts, human passions, emotions, language.” ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“Nobody, certainly, will deny that the idea of the existence of an omnipotent, just, and omnibeneficent personal God is able to accord man solace, help, and guidance; also, by virtue of its simplicity it is accessible to the most undeveloped mind. But, on the other hand, there are decisive weaknesses attached to this idea in itself, which have been painfully felt since the beginning of history. That is, if this being is omnipotent, then every occurrence, including every human action, every human thought, and every human feeling and aspiration is also His work; how is it possible to think of holding men responsible for their deeds and thoughts before such an almighty Being? In giving out punishment and rewards He would to a certain extent be passing judgment on Himself. How can this be combined with the goodness and righteousness ascribed to Him? The main source of the present-day conflicts between the spheres of religion and of science lies in this concept of a personal God.” ~Albert Einstein

“One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it’s remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver’s license.” ~P. J. O’Rourke

“One of the biggest lies of the Christian religion is the concept of”Original Sin”; that we were born guilty, live guilty and require salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. Why would anybody accept guilt for Eve’s sin (or anybody else’s, for that matter)? We are no more responsible for Eve than for Hillary Clinton. Just follow the Golden Rule and lead a good life. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by false guilt.” ~Jim Ashby

“One reason why mathematics enjoys special esteem, above all other sciences, is that its laws are absolutely certain and indisputable, while those of other sciences are to some extent debatable and in constant danger of being overthrown by newly discovered facts.” ~Albert Einstein

“One should respect public opinion in so far as is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny.” ~Bertrand Russell

“One time I was in the men’s room of the bar and there was a guy at the urinal. He was kind of drunk, and said to me in a mean-sounding voice, ‘I don’t like your face. I think I’ll push it in.’ I was scared green. I replied in an equally mean voice, ‘Get out of my way, or I’ll pee right through ya!’” ~Richard Feynman

“Our American tradition of fair play and letting all parties be heard, unfortunately, plays against us because in this debate not all parties are playing fair. I can understand that people in the ID movement, or in any movement, want to present their views, but I cannot excuse their deliberate misrepresentation of my views. Evolutionists have contemplated the putative adaptive value of cheating among social animals, but don’t God-fearing creationists ever worry about bearing false witness?” ~Bruce Grant

“People are said to believe in God, or to disbelieve in Adam and Eve. But in such cases what is believed or disbelieved is that there is an entity answering a certain description.” ~Bertrand Russell

“People have a constitutional right to burn a Koran if they want to, but doing so is insensitive and an unnecessary provocation: much like building a mosque at Ground Zero.” ~Sarah Palin

“People have a hard time accepting free-market economics for the same reason they have a hard time accepting evolution: it is counterintuitive. Life looks intelligently designed, so our natural inclination is to infer that there must be an intelligent designer, a God. Similarly, the economy looks designed, so our natural inclination is to infer that we need a designer, a government. In fact, emergence and complexity theory explains how the principles of self-organization and emergence cause complex systems to arise from simple systems without a top-down designer.” ~Michael Shermer

“Perceiving the world as well designed and thus the product of a designer, and even seeing divine providence in the daily affairs of life, may be the product of a brain adapted to finding patterns in nature.” ~Michael Shermer

“Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you, like music to the musician or else it is nothing: an empty, formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.” ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas. One seeks the most general ideas of operation which will bring together in simple, logical and unified form the largest possible circle of formal relationships. In this effort toward logical beauty spiritual formulas are discovered necessary for the deeper penetration into the laws of nature.” ~Albert Einstein

“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Reality is incredibly larger, infinitely more exciting, than the flesh and blood vehicle we travel in here. If you read science fiction, the more you read it the more you realize that you and the universe are part of the same thing. Science knows still practically nothing about the real nature of matter, energy, dimension, or time; and even less about those remarkable things called life and thought. But whatever the meaning and purpose of this universe, you are a legitimate part of it. And since you are part of the all that is, part of its purpose, there is more to you than just this brief speck of existence. You are just a visitor here in this time and this place, a traveler through it.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“Religion claims to be in possession of an absolute truth; but its history is a history of errors and heresies. It gives us the promise and prospect of a transcendent world — far beyond the limits of our humans experience — and it remains human, all too human.” ~Ernest Cassirer,

“Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.” ~George Carlin

“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.” ~George Carlin

“Religion is a great force — the only real motive force in the world; but what you fellows dont understand is that you must get at a man through his own religion and not through yours. Instead of facing that fact, you persist in trying to convert all men to your own little sect, so that you can use it against them afterwards. You are all missionaries and proselytizers trying to uproot the native religion from your neighbor’s flowerbeds and plant your own in its place. You would rather let a child perish in ignorance than have it taught by a rival sectary. You can talk to me of the quintessential equality of coal merchants and British officers; and yet you cant see the quintessential equality of all the religions.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Religion is an insult to human dignity. Without it, you’d have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, it takes religion.” ~Stephen Weinberg

“Religion is based, I think, primarily and mainly upon fear. It is partly the terror of the unknown and partly, as I have said, the wish to feel that you have a kind of elder brother who will stand by you in all your troubles and disputes. Fear is the basis of the whole thing: fear of the mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. Fear is the parent of cruelty, and therefore it is no wonder if cruelty and religion have gone hand in hand.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Religion supports nobody. It has to be supported. It produces no wheat, no corn; it ploughs no land; it fells no forests. It is a perpetual mendicant. It lives on the labors of others, and then has the arrogance to pretend that it supports the giver.” ~Robert Green Ingersoll

“Remember me affectionately to good Dr. Price and to the honest heretic Dr. Priestly. I do not call him honest by way of distinction; for I think all the heretics I have known have been virtuous men. They have the virtue of fortitude or they would not venture to own their heresy; and they cannot afford to be deficient in any of the other virtues, as that would give advantage to their many enemies; and they have not like orthodox sinners, such a number of friends to excuse or justify them. Do not, however mistake me. It is not to my good friend’s heresy that I impute his honesty. On the contrary, ’tis his honesty that has brought upon him the character of heretic.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them; and no man ever had a distinct idea of the trinity. It is the mere Abracadabra of the mountebanks calling themselves the priests of Jesus.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add”within the limits of the law” because law is often but the tyrant’s will, and always so when it violates the rights of the individual.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“Science has never sought to ally herself with civil power. She has never subjected anyone to mental torment, physical torment, least of all death, for the purpose of promoting her ideas.” ~John W. Draper

“Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How’s that for a religion?” ~Frank Zappa

“Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread, by the sword, the faith he preached.” ~Manuel II Paleologus

“So long as the universe had a beginning, we could suppose it had a creator. But if the universe is completely self-contained, having no boundary or edge, it would neither be created nor destroyed-it would simple be. What place, then, for a creator?” ~Stephen Hawking

“So, when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, if you go for all these fairy tales, that”evil” woman convinced the man to eat the apple, but the apple came from the Tree of Knowledge. And the punishment that was then handed down, the woman gets to bleed and the guy’s got to go to work, is the result of a man desiring, because his woman suggested that it would be a good idea, that he get all the knowledge that was supposedly the property and domain of God. So, that right away sets up Christianity as an anti-intellectual religion. You never want to be that smart. If you’re a woman, it’s going to be running down your leg, and if you’re a guy, you’re going to be in the salt mines for the rest of your life. So, just be a dumb fuck and you’ll all go to heaven. That’s the subtext of Christianity.” ~Frank Zappa

“Some people have views of God that are so broad and flexible that it is inevitable that they will find God wherever they look for him. One hears it said that ‘God is the ultimate’ or ‘God is our better nature’ or ‘God is the universe.’ Of course, like any other word, the word ‘God’ can be given any meaning we like. If you want to say that ‘God is energy,’ then you can find God in a lump of coal.” ~Steven Weinberg

“Some years ago I had a conversation with a layman about flying saucers — because I am scientific I know all about flying saucers! I said ‘I don’t think there are flying saucers’. So my antagonist said, ‘Is it impossible that there are flying saucers? Can you prove that it’s impossible?’ ‘No’, I said, ‘I can’t prove it’s impossible. It’s just very unlikely’. At that he said, ‘You are very unscientific. If you can’t prove it impossible then how can you say that it’s unlikely?’ But that is the way that is scientific. It is scientific only to say what is more likely and what less likely, and not to be proving all the time the possible and impossible. To define what I mean, I might have said to him, ‘Listen, I mean that from my knowledge of the world that I see around me, I think that it is much more likely that the reports of flying saucers are the results of the known irrational characteristics of terrestrial intelligence than of the unknown rational efforts of extra-terrestrial intelligence.’ It is just more likely. That is all.” ~Richard Feynman

“The Bible is the inerrant word of the living God. It is absolutely infallible,without error in all matters pertaining to faith and practice, as well as in areas such as geography, science, history, etc.” ~Jerry Falwell

“The Bible: It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.” ~Mark Twain

“The Epic of Evolution counts out for us a pageant of blessings that stupefies the imagination. Consider the astonishing improbability of a universe suitable for human habitation. The chaotic events of the Primordial Flaring Forth left our universe with a slight excess of particles over anti-particles. If this delicate imbalance had varied by a factor as small as one part in a billion, then we would not be here.

“The PC [political correctness] movement exists not in order to improve the well-being of those whose oppression it purports to combat. Rather, its purpose is to wrap its proponents in a kind of verbal comfort-blanket. Beneath its complacent cosiness and nauseating sanctimony, the intrepid shock-troops of ‘populist authoritarianism’ pretend that suppressing the language of prejudice is the same as eliminating prejudice itself. Smug and self-satisfied, having assuaged whatever guilt they may have felt through their attacks on the ‘non-PC’, they ignore the real inequalities, ignominies and powerlessness of those whom they pretend to champion. They are instead complacently content at their ‘victory’ in contorting the language of ‘acceptable’ discourse in the classroom, in the textbook and in the mass media.” ~Erik Kowal, as posted on The Wordwizard Portal

“The President of the United States summons the nation to church on Thanksgiving Day to give thanks to”Almighty God” for the abundant harvest and all other blessings. But what has Almighty God, as a personal being, to do with the harvests? If it is he who produces our crops, then being Almighty there should never be a failure of crops. But since crops frequently fail, it follows that there is no Almighty person in charge of them, unless he brings failure purposely. Therefore, if God is to be thanked for large crops, he must be blamed when the crops are a failure. If God sends the rain and the sunshine which develops and ripens our wheat, who sends the storms and the insects which destroy much of it? And if he sends both, then why not thank him for one and blame him for the other?” ~John Dietrich

“The educated in [the critical habit of thought] are slow to believe. They can hold things as possible or probable in all degrees, without certainty and without pain.” ~William Graham Sumner

“The essence of success is that it is never necessary to think of a new idea oneself. It is far better to wait until somebody else does it, and then to copy him in every detail, except his mistakes.” ~Aubrey Menen

“The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us.” ~Paul Valery

“The foundation of morality is to give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibilities of knowledge.” ~T. H. Huxley

“The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action.” ~Albert Einstein

“The fundamental principle in the analysis of propositions containing descriptions is this: Every proposition which we can understand must be composed wholly of constituents with which we are acquainted.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge” ~Albert Einstein

“The good, say the mystics of spirit, is God, a being whose only definition is that he is beyond man’s power to conceive- a definition that invalidates man’s consciousness and nullifies his concepts of existence. Man’s mind, say the mystics of spirit, must be subordinated to the will of God. Man’s standard of value, say the mystics of spirit, is the pleasure of God, whose standards are beyond man’s power of comprehension and must be accepted on faith. The purpose of man’s life is to become an abject zombie who serves a purpose he does not know, for reasons he is not to question.” ~Ayn Rand

“The good, say the mystics of spirit, is God, a being whose only definition is that he is beyond man’s power to conceive- a definition that invalidates man’s consciousness and nullifies his concepts of existence. Man’s mind, say the mystics of spirit, must be subordinated to the will of God. Man’s standard of value, say the mystics of spirit, is the pleasure of God, whose standards are beyond man’s power of comprehension and must be accepted on faith. The purpose of man’s life is to become an abject zombie who serves a purpose he does not know, for reasons he is not to question” ~Ayn Rand

“The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.” ~George Moore

“The idea of a personal God is an anthropological concept which I am unable to take seriously. A man’s ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.” ~Albert Einstein

“The impious presumption of legislators and and rulers, civil as well as ecclesiastical, who, being themselves but fallible and uninspired men, have assumed dominion over the faith of others, setting up their own opinions and modes of thinking as the only true and infallible, and as such endeavoring to impose them on others, hath established and maintained false religions over the greatest part of the world and through all time: That to compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“The individual, if left alone from birth would remain primitive and beast-like in his thoughts and feelings to a degree that we can hardly conceive. The individual is what he is and has the significance that he has not so much in virtue of his individuality, but rather as a member of a great human society, which directs his material and spiritual existence from the cradle to the grave.” ~Albert Einstein

“The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“The message of this book, if it must have a message, is that we in the West would be wrong to prolong the pain of that transition unnecessarily, by elevating cultures full of bigotry and hatred toward women to the stature of respectable alternative ways of life.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“The more a man is imbued with the ordered regularity of all events the firmer becomes his conviction that there is no room left by the side of this ordered regularity for causes of a different nature. For him neither the rule of human nor the rule of divine will exists as an independent cause of natural events. To be sure, the doctrine of a personal God interfering with natural events could never be refuted, in the real sense, by science, for this doctrine can always take refuge in those domains in which scientific knowledge has not yet been able to set foot. But I am persuaded that such behavior on the part of the representatives of religion would not only be unworthy but also fatal. For a doctrine which is able to maintain itself not in clear light but only in the dark, will of necessity lose its effect on mankind, with incalculable harm to human progress. In their struggle for the ethical good, teachers of religion must have the stature to give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is, give up that source of fear and hope which in the past placed such vast power in the hands of priests. In their labors they will have to avail themselves of those forces which are capable of cultivating the Good, the True, and the Beautiful in humanity itself. This is, to be sure, a more difficult but an incomparably more worthy task.” ~Albert Einstein

“The most beautiful and deepest experience a man can have is the sense of the mysterious. It is the underlying principle of religion as well as all serious endeavor in art and science. He who never had this experience seems to me, if not dead, then at least blind.” ~Albert Einstein

“The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery — even if mixed with fear — that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man.” ~Albert Einstein

“The most important human endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance and even our very existence depend on it. Only morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity to life.” ~Albert Einstein

“The most ridiculous concept ever perpetrated by H. Sapiens is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of the Universes, wants the sacharrine adoration of his creations, that he can be persuaded by their prayers, and becomes petulant if he does not receive this flattery. Yet this ridiculous notion, without one real shred of evidence to bolster it, has gone on to found one of the oldest, largest and least productive industries in history.” ~Robert Heinlein

“The next time believers tell you that ‘separation of church and state’ does not appear in our founding document, tell them to stop using the word ‘trinity.’ The word ‘trinity’ appears nowhere in the bible. Neither does Rapture, or Second Coming, or Original Sin. If they are still unfazed (or unphrased), by this, then add Omniscience, Omnipresence, Supernatural,Transcendence, Afterlife, Deity, Divinity, Theology, Monotheism, Missionary, Immaculate Conception, Christmas, Christianity, Evangelical, Fundamentalist, Methodist, Catholic, Pope, Cardinal, Catechism, Purgatory, Penance, Transubstantiation, Excommunication, Dogma, Chastity, Unpardonable Sin, Infallibility, Inerrancy, Incarnation, Epiphany, Sermon, Eucharist, the Lord’s Prayer, Good Friday, Doubting Thomas, Advent, Sunday School, Dead Sea, Golden Rule, Moral, Morality, Ethics, Patriotism, Education, Atheism, Apostasy, Conservative (Liberal is in), Capital Punishment, Monogamy, Abortion, Pornography, Homosexual, Lesbian, Fairness, Logic, Republic, Democracy, Capitalism, Funeral, Decalogue, or Bible.” ~Dan Barker

“The only angels we need invoke are those of our better nature: reason, honesty, and love. The only demons we must fear are those that lurk inside every human mind: ignorance, hatred, greed, and faith, which is surely the devil’s masterpiece.” ~Sam Harris

“The only position that leaves me with no cognitive dissonance is atheism. It is not a creed. Death is certain, replacing both the siren-song of Paradise and the dread of Hell. Life on this earth, with all its mystery and beauty and pain, is then to be lived far more intensely: we stumble and get up, we are sad, confident, insecure, feel loneliness and joy and love. There is nothing more; but I want nothing more.” ~Ayaan Hirsi Ali

“The only real moral crime that one man can commit against another is the attempt to create, by his words or actions, an impression of the contradictory, the impossible, the irrational, and thus shake the concept of rationality in his victim.” ~Ayn Rand

“The only real road to settled peace is that of science; politics will never hit it, nor dogmatic religion either. Science is, in its very nature, universal. It interests all civilized nations alike. It has no favorites, and no preferred views. Its aim is absolutely single, viz, the uncovering of the truth. Knowledge is power; not partial but complete power, which cannot make war upon itself.” ~Professor Garrett P. Serviss

“The opinions that are held with passion are always those for which no good ground exists; indeed the passion is the measure of the holder’s lack of rational conviction. Opinions in politics and religion are almost always held passionately.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others.” ~Bertrand Russell

“The priests of the different religious sects dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight, and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subdivision of the duperies on which they live.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“The problem with fundamentalists insisting on a literal interpretation of the Bible is that the meaning of words change. A prime example is ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child.’ A rod was a stick used by shepherds to guide their sheep to go in the desired direction. Shepherds did not use it to beat their sheep. The proper translation of the saying is ‘Give your child guidance, or they will go astray.’ It does not mean ‘Beat the shit out of your child or he will become rotten’ as many fundamentalist parents seem to believe.” ~Unknown

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. All progress, therefore, depends upon the unreasonable man.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. The religion which is based on experience, which refuses the dogmatic. If there’s any religion that would cope with scientific needs it will be Buddhism.” ~Albert Einstein

“The reproduction of mankind is a great marvel and mystery. Had God consulted me in the matter, I should have advised him to continue the generation of the species by fashioning them out of clay.” ~Martin Luther

“The road to this paradise was not as comfortable and alluring as the road to the religious paradise; but it has shown itself reliable, and I have never regretted having chosen it.” ~Albert Einstein

“The scientist has a lot of experience with ignorance and doubt and uncertainty, and this experience is of very great importance, I think. When a scientist doesn’t know the answer to a problem, he is ignorant. When he has a hunch as to what the result is, he is uncertain. And when he is pretty damn sure of what the result is going to be, he is still in some doubt. We have found it of paramount importance that in order to progress, we must recognize our ignorance and leave room for doubt. Scientific knowledge is a body of statements of varying degrees of certainty — some most unsure, some nearly sure, but none absolutely certain. Now, we scientists are used to this, and we take it for granted that it is perfectly consistent to be unsure, that it is possible to live and not know. But I don’t know whether everyone realizes this is true. Our freedom to doubt was born out of a struggle against authority in the early days of science. It was a very deep and strong struggle: permit us to question — to doubt — to not be sure. I think that it is important that we do not forget this struggle and thus perhaps lose what we have gained.” ~Richard Feynman

“The very concept of sin comes from the bible. Christianity offers to solve a problem of its own making! Would you be thankful to a person who cut you with a knife in order to sell you a bandage?” ~Dan Barker

“The whole foundation of Christianity is based on the idea that intellectualism is the work of the Devil. Remember the apple on the tree? Okay, it was the Tree of Knowledge. ‘You eat this apple, you’re going to be as smart as God. We can’t have that.’” ~Frank Zappa

“The world of great literature, philosophy, and religion is unlike the world of science in this respect. In science, the latest thinking is usually the most advanced and most likely to be true, because the latest scientific theories are based on the most evidence and have withstood the severest tests. In the sphere of thought concerning the nature and meaning of human life, however, the latest theories are not necessarily the most advanced or the most likely to be true. Knowledge about the basic character and meaning of life is not inherently progressive, as science is. The ancients had just as much evidence as we do about the basic facts of human existence. In fact, truths understood by the ancients sometimes are forgotten and have to be rediscovered. Some say, for instance, that the ancient Greeks have more to tell us about modern life than more recent thinkers do. Even if we do not all agree with this proposition, we can agree that answers to the great questions about human existence are not the exclusive property of any single place, culture, or historical era.” ~E. D. Hirsch, Jr.

“There are many hypotheses in science which are wrong. That’s perfectly all right; they’re the aperture to finding out what’s right . Science is a self-correcting process. To be accepted, new ideas must survive the most rigorous standards of evidence and scrutiny.” ~Carl Sagan

“There are three religious truths: 1) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3) Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.” ~Unknown

“There may be moderate Muslims, but Islam itself is not moderate. There is no difference between Islam and Islamic fundamentalism: at most there is a difference of degree but not of kind.” ~Ibn Warraq

“There were honest people long before there were Christians and there are, God be praised, still honest people where there are no Christians. It could therefore easily be possible that people are Christians because true Christianity corresponds to what they would have been even if Christianity did not exist.” ~G.C. Lichtenberg

“They said God was on high and he controlled the world and therefore we must pray against Satan. Well, if God controls the world, he controls Satan. For me, religion was full of misstatements and reaches of logic that I just couldn’t agree with.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“Think of how many religions attempt to validate themselves with prophecy. Think of how many people rely on these prophecies, however vague, however unfulfilled, to support or prop up their beliefs. Yet has there ever been a religion with the prophetic accuracy and reliability of science? No other human institution comes close.” ~Carl Sagan

“Those who know nothing about Islam pretend that Islam counsels against war. Those people are witless. Islam says: ‘Kill all the unbelievers just as they would kill you all!’ Does this mean that Muslims should sit back until they are devoured by the infidel? Islam says: ‘Kill them, put them to the sword and scatter them.’ Islam says: ‘Whatever good there is exists thanks to the sword.’ The sword is the key to Paradise, which can be opened only for the Holy Warriors! Does all this mean that Islam is a religion that prevents men from waging war? I spit upon those foolish souls who make such a claim.” ~Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini

“Though our character is formed by circumstances, our own desires can do much to shape those circumstances; and what is really inspiriting and ennobling in the doctrine of free will is the conviction that we have real power over the formation of our own lives.” ~John Stuart Mill

“To sense that behind anything that can be experienced there is a something that our mind cannot grasp and whose beauty and sublimity reaches us only indirectly and as a feeble reflection, this is religiousness.” ~Albert Einstein

“To take those fools in clerical garb seriously is to show them too much honor.” (Comment on the Union of Orthodox Rabbis after expelling a rabbi because of his disbelief in God as a personal entity.) ~Albert Einstein

“Truth and falsehood are properties of beliefs and statements: hence a world of mere matter, since it would contain no beliefs of statements, would also contain no truth or falsehood.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Truth does not demand belief. Scientists do not join hands every Sunday, singing, yes, gravity is real! I will have faith! I will be strong! I believe in my heart that what goes up, up, up must come down, down. down. Amen! If they did, we would think they were pretty insecure about it.” ~Dan Barker

“Try and penetrate with our limited means the secrets of nature and you will find that, behind all the discernible concatenations, there remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion. To that extent I am, in point of fact, religious.” ~Albert Einstein

“Wandering in a vast forest at night, I have only a faint light to guide me. A stranger appears and says to me: ‘My friend, you should blow out your candle in order to find your way more clearly.’ This man is a theologian.” ~Diderot

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” ~Dr. Seuss

“We are each burdened with prejudice; against the poor or the rich, the smart or the slow, the gaunt or the obese. It is natural to develop prejudices. It is noble to rise above them.” ~Unknown

“We have solved, by fair experiment, the great and interesting question whether freedom of religion is compatible with order in government and obedience to the laws. And we have experienced the quiet as well as the comfort which results from leaving every one to profess freely and openly those principles of religion which are the inductions of his own reason and the serious convictions of his own inquiries.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“We human beings do have some genuine freedom of choice and therefore some effective control over our own destinies. I am not a determinist. But I also believe that the decisive choice is seldom the latest choice in the series. More often than not, it will turn out to be some choice made relatively far back in the past.” ~Arnold Toynbee

“We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.” ~Robert Wilensky

“We’ve learned from experience that the truth will come out. Other experimenters will repeat your experiment and find out whether you were wrong or right. Nature’s phenomena will agree or they’ll disagree with your theory. And, although you may gain some temporary fame and excitement, you will not gain a good reputation as a scientist if you haven’t tried to be very careful in this kind of work.” ~Richard Feynman

“Well, I believe that those energies and processes exist. I just don’t think that they’ve been adequately described or adequately named yet, because people are too willing to make it all into something that supports a religious theory of one flavor or another. If you start defining these things in nuts-and-bolts scientific terms, people reject it because it’s not fun, y’know. It takes some of the romance out of being dead because of people’s desires to have eternal life and to extend their influence from beyond the grave; all that Houdini type stuff. But basically, I think when you’re dead, you’re dead. It comes with the territory.” ~Frank Zappa

“What do you want me to say? ‘Abandon your quest?’ ‘Suspend disbelief?’ Fine. If it takes delusions to make you happy, then abandon logic and embrace the sublime illusion of faith.” ~Jim Ashby

“What troubles me is a sense that so many things lovely and precious in our world seem to be dying out. Perhaps poetry will be the canary in the mine-shaft warning us of what’s to come.” ~Galway Kinnell

“What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized. What we call random is just patterns we cant decipher. What we can’t understand we call nonsense. What we can’t read we call gibberish. There is no free will. There are no variables. There is only the inevitable.” ~Chuck Palahniuk

“Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?’” ~Quentin Crisp

“When a man really believes that it is necessary to do a certain thing to be happy forever, or that a certain belief is necessary to ensure eternal joy, there is in that man no spirit of concession. He divides the whole world into saints and sinners, into believers and unbelievers, into God’s sheep and Devil’s goats, into people who will be glorified and people who are damned.” ~Robert Ingersoll, Some Reasons Why

“When intelligent people become strangely stupid, you can be sure they’re hiding something.” ~Jim Ashby (I found a quote that says the same thing better:”If I take refuge in ambiguity, I can assure you that it’s quite conscious.” ~Frank Boyden)

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.” ~Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

“The philosophical presuppositions of science [include]: the existence of a theory independent, external world; the knowability of the external world; the existence of truth; the laws of logic; the reliability of our cognitive and sensory faculties to serve as truth gatherers and as a source of justified beliefs in our intellectual environment; the adequacy of language to describe the world; the existence of values used in science; the uniformity of nature and induction; and, the existence of numbers and mathematical truths.” ~J. P. Moreland

“When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ”Let us pray.” We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.” ~Desmond Tutu

“When the number of factors coming into play in a phenomenological complex is too large, scientific method in most cases fails us. One need only think of the weather, in which case prediction even for a few days ahead is impossible. Nevertheless no one doubts that we are confronted with a causal connection whose causal components are in the main known to us.

“When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“While it is true that science cannot decide questions of value, that is because they cannot be intellectually decided at all, and lie outside the realm of truth and falsehood. Whatever knowledge is attainable, must be attained by scientific methods; and what science cannot discover, mankind cannot know.” ~Bertrand Russell

“Who does not see that the same authority which can establish Christianity, in exclusion of all other religions, may establish with the same ease any particular sect of Christians, in exclusion of all other sects?” ~James Madison

“Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don’t? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.” ~Unknown

“Why should I fear death? If I am, death is not. If death is, I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not? ~Epicurus

“Without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people — first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy.” Albert Einstein

“Writers who tailor their message to popular opinion work amid crowds where truth is subjective and always wrong. Solitary perception becomes indisputable when there is absolute and uncompromised independence from the group, and like genuine poetry is only worthwhile when it arises within the individual, not from content set forth by its authoritative command.” ~Soren Kierkegaard

“You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?” ~Dan Barker

“You can cite a hundred references to show that the biblical God is a bloodthirsty tyrant, but if they can dig up two or three verses that say God is love, they will claim that *you* are taking things out of context!” ~Dan Barker

“You can’t take this speck of dust in this midst of all this incredible panorama of birth and complexifying and say this is the only place that life happens. It’s like turning your back on the whole idea of growth and evolution.” ~Gene Roddenberry

“You say you’re supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don’t have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don’t have to be nice to them.” Pat Robertson

“Happiness gives into grieving
Desire waits for relieving
Faith always precedes deceiving
And loving is the past tense of leaving.” ~Jim Ashby

“I know how hard love can be
But it’s worth taking from the shelf
For you can not let me love you
‘Til you learn to love yourself
You’ve opened my eyes to humanity
We are all things in one life
Would you think it insanity
If I wanted you for my wife?” ~Jim Ashby

“If your heart has been destroyed
I just want to fill the void.” ~Jim Ashby

“Long into the night
I think of you
Love can’t be right
Unless it’s true
Long into the night
My life is blue
With all my might
I long for you
You
Long into the night” ~Jim Ashby

“The road to wisdom?
– Well, it’s plain
and simple to express:
Err
and err
and err again
but less
and less
and less. ~Piet Hein

Imagine there’s no Heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one ~John Lennon

There are the rushing waves
mountains of molecules,
each stupidly minding its own business
trillions apart
yet forming white surf in unison.

Ages on ages
before any eyes could see
year after year
thunderously pounding the shore as now.
For whom, for what?
on a dead planet
with no life to entertain.

Never at rest
tortured by energy
wasted prodigiously by the sun
poured into space.
A mite makes the sea roar.
Deep in the sea,
all molecules repeat
the patterns of another
till complex new ones are formed.
They make others like themselves
and a new dance starts.

Growing in size and complexity
living things,
masses of atoms,
DNA, protein
dancing a pattern ever more intricate.

Out of the cradle
onto dry land
here it is standing
atoms with consciousness
matter with curiosity.

Stands at the sea
wonders at wondering. I.
a universe of atoms
an atom in the universe. ~Richard Feynman

One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight.
Back-to-back they faced one another,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
One was blind and the other couldn’t see,
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout “hooray!”
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came and shot the two dead boys.
A paralyzed donkey walking by,
Kicked the copper in the eye,
Sent him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
(If you don’t believe this lie is true,
Ask the blind man — he saw it too!)

Choose to think.

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